How great is the Father's love towards us!

1 John 4:7-16
Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.  God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.  This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.  Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.  No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God.  We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. (NLT)

Missing him.... JC has been living in the residential treatment home for almost 2 weeks now! It's been a little over a week since I've actually seen him and hugged him :( and this is only the beginning. 

Going there was JC's very first plane ride, which he absolutely loved and had no hesitation before during or after the flights!! No fear of flying, this kiddo of mine :) In honor of him and his first plane ride, I have posted the few pics below...

Both Devon and I have had confirmation of his placement in some way or another before making the decision, but it was after I arrived back home from So Cal that we realized that the Lord had the same message for both of us while we were apart and that is that He loves JC even more than we do and to trust Him in this. I got these words from the Lord through various friends and family in So Cal while I was there and Devon was telling me this very thing as we were driving back from the airport at 1:30 a.m. that Sunday morning.... I'm so glad God didn't wait to confirm the message that we already knew in our hearts but that was given to us by other people as well.... just to strengthen us and carry us through this trial. 

I have been "not all here" at various times throughout the past two weeks, just missing my boy. "A" misses arguing with JC (lol) and "E" misses telling him about his friends, jumping on the trampoline with him and playing video games with him. He even misses some things that he used to complain about on a regular basis with JC!! Poor Buddy and Bella miss JC because he was their fun "human"... He fed them, loved them and let them kiss him all over his face!!!  Most of all I think we all miss JC's humor!!! So glad he can call us and we can call him :) 

There is so much more I could say, but will save for next time....  In the mean time, please be praying for us!

Some prayer requests for JC (I've been asked by several for this):

-He is experiencing  theft of his personal property and having to learn how to safeguard his things. This is a tough lesson for  a kid who has been over-protected his whole life!

- For his continued protection, both physically, emotionally and spiritually.

- For him to learn more about himself and the things he will have to manage in himself for the rest of his life. 

- That he would be able to get "on level 1" to be able to earn things and outings in the center. This will help him emotionally and physically, I believe. 


Some requests for us, his family:

- That we would grow together, have fun together, be at peace and not feel guilty while doing it without our oldest son... while remembering this is part of God's perfect plan. 

- That we would be able to put aside some money to be able to go visit him this summer as a family.

- That our other two children and Devon and I too, would be refreshed and restored and learn more about JC's various illnesses, etc so they will be able to get along with JC better when he does come back home.  

Can Sadness and Hope exist together?

Jeremiah 29:11-12 (New International Version) 
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 

My Confidence is in the Lord and His plans for me and my family.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

Looking to Him to renew my spirit even when things seem dim. He never fails me every time I seek Him. 

1 Peter 1:3 (New International Version)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 

He is my LIVING Hope, even when things seem dim, He gives me new Life...new reason...

Romans 5:5 (New International Version)
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 

He loves me and does not disappoint. He loves my son and has poured out His love into him. 

So, yes, the answer is absolutely yes.... In my sadness, fear and weakness in our present situation, I have not just hope, but LIVING HOPE in a God who does not disappoint.

I am trusting in Him because He knows me and has plans for me and my family and those plans are meant to give us a future and a hope. So, I place our future in His hands.

So, tomorrow I leave for California with JC, but I won't be returning back home with him, at least not yet. This is probably the hardest, most heart-wrenching thing I've had to do as a mom.  I'm afraid, worried, so sad and yet hopeful at the same time.  My husband and I have decided to place JC in a therapeutic residential center to hopefully get him some help and to use the time away from him to strengthen and spend time our other two kids who have gotten used to life with a special needs brother. They are in need of some quality time with us and in order to keep them safe and healthy as well as get help for JC, the decision was made.  JC is now in the midst of puberty and hormones are raging and meds just aren't working as well as they used to. He is in need of continuous supervision and care and with the aggression and disrespectfulness turning to physical aggression towards me and the rest of the family and him getting bigger and stronger, we just didn't know what to do. He is really such a good kid with a kind heart and the want to do well, just the inability to follow through with that will. Makes me angry that there is not more information out there about alcohol and pregnancy! But that's a whole different discussion... Our decision has taken 4 months to make. Really it has taken so much longer, but the last four months have been more serious in the deciding factor. Much prayer, tears and indecision during that time along with JC's behavior ranging from good days to really really bad days led us to this present trial. 

My "flesh" cries out in anger, hurt, fear and sadness at the loss of my son (even for the 6 months to a year he will be gone) but my spirit is trusting and hoping in my Savior who has brought me to this point in my life. We feel failure because God placed this precious life in our hands to raise, He trusted us to be able to handle  and cope with whatever special needs JC brings and now we must relinquish and let go. I don't know how the Lord is going to work in this part of our feelings, but I do know that He sends His comforter and He knew the plans and future of our son and family before it happened.  Life in our house will be different and I will be praying that we will not feel guilt at the peace and "normalcy" we will have while JC is in another's care. I know we need this and he needs this and will pray for God's mercy and goodness during this time. Our circumstances may not change and JC may not be "healed" when he gets to return home, but I know that whatever may come, God is in it. He will provide whatever else is needed.... 

So, as you can see, I needed to make my blog private. I don't wish for my son to read these, nor for my other two children to feel as if they are all on display. But I do want to be used by the Lord for His good purpose and if this helps someone out there, then I want to press on.... I may not be very good with sharing my words and thoughts in person, but I know I have been given a gift to be able to share them in this way and that there is a purpose to it.