How great is the Father's love towards us!

1 John 4:7-16
Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.  God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.  This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.  Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.  No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God.  We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. (NLT)

Missing him.... JC has been living in the residential treatment home for almost 2 weeks now! It's been a little over a week since I've actually seen him and hugged him :( and this is only the beginning. 

Going there was JC's very first plane ride, which he absolutely loved and had no hesitation before during or after the flights!! No fear of flying, this kiddo of mine :) In honor of him and his first plane ride, I have posted the few pics below...

Both Devon and I have had confirmation of his placement in some way or another before making the decision, but it was after I arrived back home from So Cal that we realized that the Lord had the same message for both of us while we were apart and that is that He loves JC even more than we do and to trust Him in this. I got these words from the Lord through various friends and family in So Cal while I was there and Devon was telling me this very thing as we were driving back from the airport at 1:30 a.m. that Sunday morning.... I'm so glad God didn't wait to confirm the message that we already knew in our hearts but that was given to us by other people as well.... just to strengthen us and carry us through this trial. 

I have been "not all here" at various times throughout the past two weeks, just missing my boy. "A" misses arguing with JC (lol) and "E" misses telling him about his friends, jumping on the trampoline with him and playing video games with him. He even misses some things that he used to complain about on a regular basis with JC!! Poor Buddy and Bella miss JC because he was their fun "human"... He fed them, loved them and let them kiss him all over his face!!!  Most of all I think we all miss JC's humor!!! So glad he can call us and we can call him :) 

There is so much more I could say, but will save for next time....  In the mean time, please be praying for us!

Some prayer requests for JC (I've been asked by several for this):

-He is experiencing  theft of his personal property and having to learn how to safeguard his things. This is a tough lesson for  a kid who has been over-protected his whole life!

- For his continued protection, both physically, emotionally and spiritually.

- For him to learn more about himself and the things he will have to manage in himself for the rest of his life. 

- That he would be able to get "on level 1" to be able to earn things and outings in the center. This will help him emotionally and physically, I believe. 


Some requests for us, his family:

- That we would grow together, have fun together, be at peace and not feel guilty while doing it without our oldest son... while remembering this is part of God's perfect plan. 

- That we would be able to put aside some money to be able to go visit him this summer as a family.

- That our other two children and Devon and I too, would be refreshed and restored and learn more about JC's various illnesses, etc so they will be able to get along with JC better when he does come back home.  

Goodbye Summer, Hello HIGH School...

Goodbye Summer, Hello HIGH School...

Well, School has officially started and we will be entering our second week on Tuesday after having Labor Day off. The first part of summer was fantastic and then we got distracted from our goals when we went on vacation to California...but all in all.....a success!

The ending of summer still flew by rather quickly with only one major upset in August. JC was having major anxiety (combined with puberty and hormones - ugh!). We ended up at the hospital who would not take him!!! It's so crazy! We ended up with emergency anti-anxiety meds until we could see his regular psychiatrist who then prescribed buspar. Not so sure it's working even yet... so please be praying for us all. It is so hard to figure out what he is feeling or experiencing or needing since all his emotions come out in almost the same way. When he's happy, he usually takes it too far and gets goofy and impulsive. When he's sad, he is usually down on himself, hitting himself and taking out his sadness by being mean to himself and family. When he's angry, its the scariest.... he has been getting more and more physically aggressive and disrespectful. He is threatening and using his height to push his siblings and parents around. We have to be "on top of it" all the time which being a teenager, he definitely does NOT like! We just didn't know what he needed until we started to realize that school was upon us and then we knew... he was getting anxious for the new school year at a new school with bigger expectations, etc.

Even with all these changes and me wanting to be the mother bear, I have had to loosen up the "momma strings" and let him go more than I normally have. Both times this summer, I let him head off on his own at the water parks (of course he usually finds his way back to us fairly quickly) I have to remember that he is almost 15 and even though he doesn't usually act like a 15 year old, the world is going to treat him that way and I'd better prepare him for it. He started high school with a bang! He is riding his bike to and from school on his own. That is a major milestone for me (he he... not him, he's been ready for this for a long time, it's me!!)  I'm going to have to let him go and make big kid mistakes. I can only prepare him and let him know the consequences for those things so I will know I did my best with him and so he will hopefully be able to make wiser choices. He's got such a big heart and really wants to do good and well most of the time, but as he gets older the mistakes get costlier and not just for mom and dad, but for him.  

There's so many issues JC has to deal with and so as a family, there are so many we have to deal with on a daily basis that its hard to remember the positives sometimes. There are times when we just want to give up, but remember that God called us to a higher purpose.... and He loves us and wants us to succeed in raising JC and our other two kids. 

So, back to school... I can't believe JC's a freshman! I remember my high school years like they were yesterday :) I know, don't we all say that! But I do... and I just so hope for the best for him. It's been a strange "honeymoon period" of the first week of school - we had our meeting with the school at the end of May and were told he was going to be monitored at the high school with someone in every class like he was in middle school, just with different aides, not only one. As of yet, the aides are making themselves un-noticeable or they just aren't there??? I haven't called the school yet, because to be honest, I have been on pins and needles expecting a call from them. It never came last week! He made it through block schedule of high school on his own! What an accomplishment even if it is only for the honeymoon period (oh, you moms of kids like JC understand what I mean with honeymoon period right???) Block schedule still scares me and I wonder who came up with such a ridiculous idea. Most kids cannot fully focus and work for 90 minutes straight - even the so called "normal" kids... Maybe juniors and probably seniors, but really... freshman and sophomores??? Well, I have great hopes for JC's high school years and will be praying for him minute by minute as we go through this school year. I know he'll probably never be a doctor, but I also know he's a fighter and will hopefully want to be on his own enough to work at something hard enough to learn to be who God wants him to be and that is enough for me... my hope is in the Lord, maker of Heaven and earth! 

Jeremiah 29:11 (This is meant for all of God's people, not just the "normals" lol)
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

So, I know this was a little all over the place, but I guess that's just how its got to be :) Have a great school year!!! 

New DSM-V Diagnosis.... What is TDD ~ temper dysregulation disorder???

This new diagnosis for children just came out this year in the DSM-V... I am intrigued by this added diagnosis that the American Psychiatric Association has labeled as a brain or biological dysfunction. Here is what the symptoms are for TDD -

Temper Dysregulation Disorder: This proposed new disorder is seen as a brain or biological dysfunction, but not necessarily a lifelong condition. It can only be diagnosed in children over the age of 6, and onset must begin before a child is 10. 

The disorder is characterized by severe recurrent temper outbursts in response to common stressors. To have the disorder, the person has to have had these symptoms for at least 12 months, and cannot have been free of symptoms for more than three months at a time. 

• temper outbursts involving yelling or physical aggression
• overreacting to common stressors
• temper outbursts occurring on average three or more times a week
• nearly everyday the mood between temper outbursts is persistently negative.
• in the past year the patient has not had a period longer than a day of elevated or euphoric mood.

 I guess I am just wondering if those of you who know "JC" well, think this or the bipolar symptoms fit him better. The bipolar symptoms are -

Bipolar: Patients with bipolar have one or more manic episodes and often also experience major depressive episodes.

Manic episodes are when a person experiences an unusually euphoric or irritable mood that lasts for at least a week. During a manic episode a person may:

• have an inflated self-esteem that can reach delusional proportions
• feel full of energy and be more talkative than usual even while not needing much sleep
• do pleasurable things to excess, often with painful consequences, such as engaging in unrestrained shopping sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business involvements
• it's common during manic episodes for the person to alternate between euphoria and irritability.

Major depressive episodes are described as at least 2 weeks of depressed mood or loss of interest. The patient also shows additional symptoms:   trouble sleeping, lack of interest, feeling sad, hopeless or discouraged, decreased energy or sense of worthlessness and guilt, and difficulty concentrating.

This is what researchers are saying about giving children a diagnosis of bipolar....

"Research psychiatrists worried that the children were being given a label that wasn't right for them, and saddled with the sentence of a serious mental illness for the rest of their lives."  

I also wonder really whether it makes much of a difference in the treatment of either diagnosis. I'm sure that I would rather not have JC labeled with bipolar for the rest of his life if that is truly not a valid diagnosis for him, however, if not, what treatment are the psychiatrists and doctors going to change for a diagnosis of TDD????

It is a little scary I think, for some of us parents who have had our children labeled with this disorder and have tried so many different meds, therapy, counseling and whatever we can do help our kids. Now to think.... if his diagnosis is changed, will insurance cover his meds that truly are helping, will he still receive the help or will insurances decide it is a lesser diagnosis and these kids don't need all of that??? (Obviously they do....) I am hopeful and will be praying that maybe it will spark new interest in researching new treatments and modifications that will help kids like JC. I am interested in comments on this topic especially. I had just heard about this new diagnosis being added, so I am curious to hear feedback from "normal" (as if there is such a thing...) people as well as parents with kids of special needs, either on the autism spectrum or mental illness spectrum...... 

The link below is the article where I researched some of the info. above.... as well as others, but this is really helpful. Good to read, so click on it for more information....

 I found this information here....

On a separate side note.... JC is still on the intuniv. We have been slowly titrating him off of the depakote (I have never been at ease with this med!!!) The intuniv seems to be helping quite a bit in focusing at school, but is definitely making him sleepy even when he takes it during the day. We are hoping he gets used to it day by day and as the depakote is weened, that the full benefits will be seen. The intuniv so far is being given at night and strangely enough, he wakes up refreshed and awake, but mid morning wants to fall asleep and has done so in class a few times. Then around early afternoon, the same sleepiness occurs and he is "OUT", his teachers say. They do not think it is behavior driven, but medication driven. So..... while I so far like the intuniv's workability for school, I don't know if the sleepiness side effect of it will outweigh the benefits and make it not usable for JC, which would be such a bummer! Anyways, just thought I'd update anyone wanting to know about the new med. <3    <><   

First Post... New Med... Hopefully new JC...

So.... a few online "friends" whose own children have mental disorders and JC's psych recommended using a blog / journal for therapy for myself :) I love to read, so I thought, well.... I guess I could write too. So this first blog may be a little long, sorry.

So here it goes! Life with JC - our 12 year old bipolar (finally dx'd at age 9), adhd, sensory integration disorder son.... it's been a wild ride so far and I'm trusting that it will continue to be for long time to come; which is why I am writing this blog.

A little history...

We fostered JC and his brother when JC was 2 years old. Adoption was finalized right before JC turned 3 (We adopted dd a few years later - the boys wanted a sister so bad back then!!!). JC and brother were both in a foster home prior to ours, but the parents were older and just couldn't take both boys and did not want to split them up. They were wonderful foster parents whom we included in the boys lives as much as possible when we lived in the same state. We still keep them updated on occasions and share Christmas cards and such. As for biological parents, we never met them, but heard and read some pretty harsh reports of what the boys went through prior to foster care as well as health histories on both father and mother. Biomother has a medically diagnosed behavioral disorder, was adopted herself as a child, and is self diagnosed bipolar (never medicated), which explains quite a bit about her behavior as a "mother".

After adoption, we continued to explore all options and diagnosis for JC. I know God has given us this child for a reason and we love him so much that we want the best possible for him!! He had already been kicked out of many daycares and proved to be too difficult for many babysitters and nannies the prior foster parents had tried. I decided to be a stay at home mom to provide some much needed stability and consistency. The prior foster parents had also tried to get him diagnosed through a psych dept. at UCLA. We continued with the assessments. He was dx'd only with PTSD with possibility of bipolar (yes, UCLA had already mentioned this at age 3!!!). As we continued on the path of diagnosis, we went through PTSD, Asperger's, RAD, PDD - NOS, sensory integration disorder, ADHD and finally to his main dx of bipolar.

We currently treat the two main concerns of ADHD and Bipolar. Since the stimulant meds for ADHD make our son extremely irritable (even more than usual!!) and have some psychotic episodes, we no longer medically treat this condition. He has taken many, many, many meds for bipolar. It has been a wild ride trying to get the medications straight. He was in a mental hospital for two weeks a few summers ago and that nearly made ME be admitted, lol!!! I have researched just about everything out there that seems to fit his behavior and follow several blogs and search up medications often. I am his strongest advocate and have chosen to do all I can to keep him out of the hospital ever again (I know that is probably not possible, but I do try)! Since he is almost a teenager, we are dealing with all the adolescent behaviors along with medication changes again due to weight, hormones, etc..... So...on to today!

Today, we went to the psych because she put him back on Depakote a few weeks ago. I don't think there has been any change or even worse in JC's behavior, my dh thinks there hasn't been any change, but that it is def. not worse, so that is the info. I shared with the psych. She is very open to my research and so this time, I brought up what I had heard about Saphris. He was currently taking 500mg. Depakote per day taken at night, 30 mg. Abilify taken in morning and 2mg. Risperdal (risperidone) Mtabs three times a day. So, she took him off the risperdal and gave us samples of Saphris to take 10 mg. twice a day. She recommended Intuniv if this doesn't work. So, I am going to have a tough 10 days before we see her again if this Saphris does not work. Plus, the Saphris is not covered by insurance due to it being a new drug and not approved for kids yet - it's like $200-300 per month!!!! YIKES! Psych can keep us with samples for awhile, but after that ???? So, I don't know if I'm hoping it works or doesn't work!! I've heard some great things about Intuniv too!!!

Since we just started the Depakote, psych wanted a full bloodwork panel done today. JC HATES getting blood drawn! We decided to try the small lab there at the office before heading to the hospital. JC has had to go to hospital many times before because he won't let them take it there at the office and the hospital has staff that holds him down (that's after I struggle and drag him out from under the chairs in the waiting area). I was praying the whole time.... still, JC didn't let them draw blood, he was hungry and irritable. So, the lab tech said to go have some lunch and then come back to try again (she was so wonderful and patient). We decided to try this since the hospital is so traumatic and my other two kiddos really didn't want to go with. After lunch, JC was much more agreeable and was brave and actually did it!!! I was so thankful and JC was proud of himself. It ended up being a positive experience and JC has been having a fairly good day today!

I will fill in some other points of our lives with JC - some of his behavior and actions towards family, siblings and others - in other blog postings so you can get an idea of how we function in all the madness :) on a regular basis.

Until then, remember Jesus loves You and will only give you as much as you can handle (with His strength and help of course!!!) I must rely on Him daily, hourly, minutely to guide me in our struggles with JC and the bipolar illness. I am so thankful for my husband and extended family who understand and try to support us as much as they can!!!

That's all for today folks,

Missy