How great is the Father's love towards us!

1 John 4:7-16
Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.  God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.  This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.  Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.  No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God.  We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. (NLT)

Missing him.... JC has been living in the residential treatment home for almost 2 weeks now! It's been a little over a week since I've actually seen him and hugged him :( and this is only the beginning. 

Going there was JC's very first plane ride, which he absolutely loved and had no hesitation before during or after the flights!! No fear of flying, this kiddo of mine :) In honor of him and his first plane ride, I have posted the few pics below...

Both Devon and I have had confirmation of his placement in some way or another before making the decision, but it was after I arrived back home from So Cal that we realized that the Lord had the same message for both of us while we were apart and that is that He loves JC even more than we do and to trust Him in this. I got these words from the Lord through various friends and family in So Cal while I was there and Devon was telling me this very thing as we were driving back from the airport at 1:30 a.m. that Sunday morning.... I'm so glad God didn't wait to confirm the message that we already knew in our hearts but that was given to us by other people as well.... just to strengthen us and carry us through this trial. 

I have been "not all here" at various times throughout the past two weeks, just missing my boy. "A" misses arguing with JC (lol) and "E" misses telling him about his friends, jumping on the trampoline with him and playing video games with him. He even misses some things that he used to complain about on a regular basis with JC!! Poor Buddy and Bella miss JC because he was their fun "human"... He fed them, loved them and let them kiss him all over his face!!!  Most of all I think we all miss JC's humor!!! So glad he can call us and we can call him :) 

There is so much more I could say, but will save for next time....  In the mean time, please be praying for us!

Some prayer requests for JC (I've been asked by several for this):

-He is experiencing  theft of his personal property and having to learn how to safeguard his things. This is a tough lesson for  a kid who has been over-protected his whole life!

- For his continued protection, both physically, emotionally and spiritually.

- For him to learn more about himself and the things he will have to manage in himself for the rest of his life. 

- That he would be able to get "on level 1" to be able to earn things and outings in the center. This will help him emotionally and physically, I believe. 


Some requests for us, his family:

- That we would grow together, have fun together, be at peace and not feel guilty while doing it without our oldest son... while remembering this is part of God's perfect plan. 

- That we would be able to put aside some money to be able to go visit him this summer as a family.

- That our other two children and Devon and I too, would be refreshed and restored and learn more about JC's various illnesses, etc so they will be able to get along with JC better when he does come back home.  

Goodbye Summer, Hello HIGH School...

Goodbye Summer, Hello HIGH School...

Well, School has officially started and we will be entering our second week on Tuesday after having Labor Day off. The first part of summer was fantastic and then we got distracted from our goals when we went on vacation to California...but all in all.....a success!

The ending of summer still flew by rather quickly with only one major upset in August. JC was having major anxiety (combined with puberty and hormones - ugh!). We ended up at the hospital who would not take him!!! It's so crazy! We ended up with emergency anti-anxiety meds until we could see his regular psychiatrist who then prescribed buspar. Not so sure it's working even yet... so please be praying for us all. It is so hard to figure out what he is feeling or experiencing or needing since all his emotions come out in almost the same way. When he's happy, he usually takes it too far and gets goofy and impulsive. When he's sad, he is usually down on himself, hitting himself and taking out his sadness by being mean to himself and family. When he's angry, its the scariest.... he has been getting more and more physically aggressive and disrespectful. He is threatening and using his height to push his siblings and parents around. We have to be "on top of it" all the time which being a teenager, he definitely does NOT like! We just didn't know what he needed until we started to realize that school was upon us and then we knew... he was getting anxious for the new school year at a new school with bigger expectations, etc.

Even with all these changes and me wanting to be the mother bear, I have had to loosen up the "momma strings" and let him go more than I normally have. Both times this summer, I let him head off on his own at the water parks (of course he usually finds his way back to us fairly quickly) I have to remember that he is almost 15 and even though he doesn't usually act like a 15 year old, the world is going to treat him that way and I'd better prepare him for it. He started high school with a bang! He is riding his bike to and from school on his own. That is a major milestone for me (he he... not him, he's been ready for this for a long time, it's me!!)  I'm going to have to let him go and make big kid mistakes. I can only prepare him and let him know the consequences for those things so I will know I did my best with him and so he will hopefully be able to make wiser choices. He's got such a big heart and really wants to do good and well most of the time, but as he gets older the mistakes get costlier and not just for mom and dad, but for him.  

There's so many issues JC has to deal with and so as a family, there are so many we have to deal with on a daily basis that its hard to remember the positives sometimes. There are times when we just want to give up, but remember that God called us to a higher purpose.... and He loves us and wants us to succeed in raising JC and our other two kids. 

So, back to school... I can't believe JC's a freshman! I remember my high school years like they were yesterday :) I know, don't we all say that! But I do... and I just so hope for the best for him. It's been a strange "honeymoon period" of the first week of school - we had our meeting with the school at the end of May and were told he was going to be monitored at the high school with someone in every class like he was in middle school, just with different aides, not only one. As of yet, the aides are making themselves un-noticeable or they just aren't there??? I haven't called the school yet, because to be honest, I have been on pins and needles expecting a call from them. It never came last week! He made it through block schedule of high school on his own! What an accomplishment even if it is only for the honeymoon period (oh, you moms of kids like JC understand what I mean with honeymoon period right???) Block schedule still scares me and I wonder who came up with such a ridiculous idea. Most kids cannot fully focus and work for 90 minutes straight - even the so called "normal" kids... Maybe juniors and probably seniors, but really... freshman and sophomores??? Well, I have great hopes for JC's high school years and will be praying for him minute by minute as we go through this school year. I know he'll probably never be a doctor, but I also know he's a fighter and will hopefully want to be on his own enough to work at something hard enough to learn to be who God wants him to be and that is enough for me... my hope is in the Lord, maker of Heaven and earth! 

Jeremiah 29:11 (This is meant for all of God's people, not just the "normals" lol)
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

So, I know this was a little all over the place, but I guess that's just how its got to be :) Have a great school year!!! 

The whys, why nots and so whats!

Look at those CUTE kids! Love them!!

So, we finally after 10 years of multiple doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist and specialists visits have gotten JC tested by a Neuropsychologist! It was never covered under our insurance. Funny thing is, he was the second doctor to spend but 15 minutes with JC in the last 2 months and tell us he has FAE or ARND, just by looking at him and talking to him for 10-15 minutes!!!! WHY we are asking did nobody else ever tell us they thought this about our son?? We have spent so long wondering why none of the diagnosis' that JC's been labeled with don't ever seem to cover his whole self. They don't ever seem to fit him right. It's because once we looked at the "Alcohol related Disorders" ARND, FAE, FAS - it fit! It is frustrating that I, in all my research online and with doctors, failed to ever see this. I mean, we all knew that his biological mom probably drank and used drugs, we've always put that on all the billions of pages of paperwork we've filled out over the years, but still no one ever stated this diagnosis to us???? It is so evident now that JC suffers from most likely bipolar (or some other mental health mood disorder) AND FAE! and of course with that comes the ADHD that we've always dealt with. 


So, why?, this revelation may not change the course of medications or the way other people see him, but for us, as parents.... it is big. It has given us understanding in his abilities and disabilities. It has given us time to prepare for JC possibly never being able to live on his own, at least not without help. It has given us the opportunity to get more services to prepare him for getting a job and life skills he will need. We only have 4 more years to really prepare him for the real world... we want to do it right. We can't wait to put some of these services into place at school and home to see if JC's level of frustration goes down, and with that, maybe we'll get to see the real JC again. He's got such a great sense of humor and really loves animals and I am so hoping and praying that this side of him will show itself more, with less frustration and having more room for it in his daily living. 


Pre-Algebra , so what! My son NEEDS basic math skills repeated over and over again. Why is he in a pre-algebra class you ask? Because the school thinks its better for him BEHAVIORALLY (i.e. easier for them) because the other kids like him are not in this class, they are in the basic math class!!! Oh, and because they think JC is defiant about learning math. Ummm... now we have proof that no, he is not defiant about it, he just CAN'T do it. So, it frustrates him and leaves him with nothing at the end of the day because he's used up everything to try and process what we have all been pushing on him. So, in this way, I'm so glad to have gotten a diagnosis - it may be developmentally disabled, and people might judge him differently along the way... but at least he will get some more help! And us too!! 


Why  not give him what he needs rather than what society and schools and "supposed educators" think he should have so THEY look good. I want my son to have the good! Why not go up against those who think they know so much more about my son.... for this reason, I am thankful that God gave us the opportunity to get him tested again.


Well, sorry for the rant, but I am tired... so tired... of seeing the bad. It's time to start noticing the good!


By the way, here is a little snippet from a mom with a kid with FAE - I FEEL LIKE HER!!! This little part taken from some other interview with her, describes what I feel like a lot of days!!!



"People may not see FASD when they look at my son's face, but I see it. I see it in the way his eyes flash in anger when he is frustrated and I see it in the tears that pour down his face when he is trying so hard to understand his math problems. I see it in his blank stare when he shuts down after working so hard in school all day, a place that has labeled him as lazy and defiant, and I see it in his silly smile when he is being impulsive or inappropriately friendly with strangers.
"FASD is also visible on my face and on the faces of other moms and dads...it is spelled out in worry lines. For some it is in the tears that flow in overwhelming grief. These are the facial features of FASD that do not appear on the FAS diagrams. FASD is often called the invisible disability, but I see it everywhere I look...and it doesn't go away just because I close my eyes."
Kari Fletcher, Adoptive Mom to 2 children with FAS and advocate/trainer at MOFAS, the Minnesota Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndromehttp://www.faslink.org/