Goodbye Summer, Hello HIGH School...

Goodbye Summer, Hello HIGH School...

Well, School has officially started and we will be entering our second week on Tuesday after having Labor Day off. The first part of summer was fantastic and then we got distracted from our goals when we went on vacation to California...but all in all.....a success!

The ending of summer still flew by rather quickly with only one major upset in August. JC was having major anxiety (combined with puberty and hormones - ugh!). We ended up at the hospital who would not take him!!! It's so crazy! We ended up with emergency anti-anxiety meds until we could see his regular psychiatrist who then prescribed buspar. Not so sure it's working even yet... so please be praying for us all. It is so hard to figure out what he is feeling or experiencing or needing since all his emotions come out in almost the same way. When he's happy, he usually takes it too far and gets goofy and impulsive. When he's sad, he is usually down on himself, hitting himself and taking out his sadness by being mean to himself and family. When he's angry, its the scariest.... he has been getting more and more physically aggressive and disrespectful. He is threatening and using his height to push his siblings and parents around. We have to be "on top of it" all the time which being a teenager, he definitely does NOT like! We just didn't know what he needed until we started to realize that school was upon us and then we knew... he was getting anxious for the new school year at a new school with bigger expectations, etc.

Even with all these changes and me wanting to be the mother bear, I have had to loosen up the "momma strings" and let him go more than I normally have. Both times this summer, I let him head off on his own at the water parks (of course he usually finds his way back to us fairly quickly) I have to remember that he is almost 15 and even though he doesn't usually act like a 15 year old, the world is going to treat him that way and I'd better prepare him for it. He started high school with a bang! He is riding his bike to and from school on his own. That is a major milestone for me (he he... not him, he's been ready for this for a long time, it's me!!)  I'm going to have to let him go and make big kid mistakes. I can only prepare him and let him know the consequences for those things so I will know I did my best with him and so he will hopefully be able to make wiser choices. He's got such a big heart and really wants to do good and well most of the time, but as he gets older the mistakes get costlier and not just for mom and dad, but for him.  

There's so many issues JC has to deal with and so as a family, there are so many we have to deal with on a daily basis that its hard to remember the positives sometimes. There are times when we just want to give up, but remember that God called us to a higher purpose.... and He loves us and wants us to succeed in raising JC and our other two kids. 

So, back to school... I can't believe JC's a freshman! I remember my high school years like they were yesterday :) I know, don't we all say that! But I do... and I just so hope for the best for him. It's been a strange "honeymoon period" of the first week of school - we had our meeting with the school at the end of May and were told he was going to be monitored at the high school with someone in every class like he was in middle school, just with different aides, not only one. As of yet, the aides are making themselves un-noticeable or they just aren't there??? I haven't called the school yet, because to be honest, I have been on pins and needles expecting a call from them. It never came last week! He made it through block schedule of high school on his own! What an accomplishment even if it is only for the honeymoon period (oh, you moms of kids like JC understand what I mean with honeymoon period right???) Block schedule still scares me and I wonder who came up with such a ridiculous idea. Most kids cannot fully focus and work for 90 minutes straight - even the so called "normal" kids... Maybe juniors and probably seniors, but really... freshman and sophomores??? Well, I have great hopes for JC's high school years and will be praying for him minute by minute as we go through this school year. I know he'll probably never be a doctor, but I also know he's a fighter and will hopefully want to be on his own enough to work at something hard enough to learn to be who God wants him to be and that is enough for me... my hope is in the Lord, maker of Heaven and earth! 

Jeremiah 29:11 (This is meant for all of God's people, not just the "normals" lol)
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

So, I know this was a little all over the place, but I guess that's just how its got to be :) Have a great school year!!! 

Wow... summer has flown by this year!

     It has been a long long long time since I last wrote in this blog! It's always such a bummer when I think about how long its been. I always want to write and keep it up, but my energy level just hasn't been up to writing. I am working part time again this summer and then of course the ups and downs of living with a son with bipolar sometimes just drains me. However, I must say that this summer has been one of the best with JC. He has really been pretty stable. Not fantastic and nothing wrong, but at least we haven't had too many surprises :)
     Now its that time of year again that so many of parents of kids with special needs hate and love all at the same time. We love it, because it means routine, consistency, less sibling fighting, less tantrums, etc all day at home. We hate it because of the uncertainty of teachers, assistants, other kids at school, which class/classes they are going to end up in, how are they going to react to it all, etc. It is so hard for parents of children who do not have special needs to fully grasp and understand the difficulties and amount of strain these kids place on a family, but it also hard for them to get how much more we love these kids.  JC drives me absolutely crazy, bonkers and angry sometimes, but its during the times he does or says something uncharacteristically kind, warm and loving or hilariously funny that makes me realize how much I love this kid. JC does have a heart of gold that just gets so mixed up in the ups and downs of his illness. He takes so much longer to learn and internalize things that "normal (as if!)" people just "get" when they are told.
     Today we had friends come over for a kind of end of summer pool party at our neighborhood clubhouse. I would take a guess that most if not all of the parents who had kids coming today did not worry a single minute about how their kids would react to the pool and the other people there. For me, although I guess I hide it pretty well, I worried and thought and planned with JC a LOT about what to expect today. Not only did we have the pool party planned, but we had to go to 8th grade registration before the pool. Talk about a lot of stimulation being thrown in all in one morning!!! I was so pleased when the pool was pretty much empty or near empty (other than  us) almost the whole time we were there. More kids = more stimulation = more racing thought, racing heart and anxiety for JC. Its hard for him to know how to get the other kids to like him and want to play with him. It makes me sad for him to see how my other two kids easily just PLAY and chat and socialize without much effort and JC makes SO much effort, but just doesn't remember to use the lessons he's been taught to act the "right" way and make a friend. Anyways, I was happy that JC did remarkably well today given all that was going on in his young life for him. A couple minor incidences in the pool with others, but nothing major, no big blow ups and storming off towards home, no foul language... so I considered today quite a success for JC. And... I actually still feel pretty energetic :) Having good days is good for all of us.
     Well, another quick thought... JC wants to and we are allowing him, to play football for middle school this  year. I am a little concerned about the other "guys" and how they will react to him being on the team. He physically just doesn't have it in him to play football, but his desire and enthusiasm are really contagious. I hope they will encourage him so he keeps encouraging them instead of making fun and tearing him down. The coaches are and the others will be made aware of JC's bipolar and are in support of him playing this year as is his very involved principal, Mr. Wilhite. So, I guess I will just ask you to pray. Pray for me to not be anxious in JC's playing football and social graces as well as for JC to be able to get stronger and a little more sure of himself as he plays this year. GO HUSKIES!!!
Well, it's a long one, so I better sign off! Love to you all! Muah!

Football, Friends and every day life...

JC is doing better than to be expected on his football team. He is definitely causing some social issues to arise, but more occasional than I thought he would when we first signed him up. He has a wonderful, understanding coach who just keeps encouraging JC. JC likes him and seems to want to play "his position" well. He is very gentle with JC but expects him to complete the same things the team has to complete in training and during game time. Sometimes this frustrates JC, but most of the time, he seems to want to do it.

JC's friend who lives next to us, won't be going to his school this year. He changed to a smaller middle school and so JC is super disappointed. I am too. I was so glad that JC finally seems to have a friend. I am glad that at least they can hang out after school. Hopefully JC will find another friend like him, or not so much like him lol, this year. It takes a special, patient kid to be friends with kids like JC.

We still haven't been approved for the correct dosage of intuniv! That is frustrating. His psych is saying it has been approved, but the pharmacy can't get it to go thru. It has been a week!!! C'mon! Monday I will go down to pharmacy again to see what the problem is that we are getting two different answers. I am praying that it will help him socially and with us as parents most of all. School is starting soon and I am fearing how it is going to start out. I thank God that He is in control and has placed the right people to work with JC. Pray for us as we begin a new year, it is always tough during transition times...

Tonight was a difficult night getting JC ready for bed. It was earlier than normal because we have to be on the fields super early tomorrow morning for pictures and stuff. He was mad because he didn't get to go play with his friend after practice. That started a negative downward cycle. He seemed to get a bit better as he ate a small snack, took a shower and we prayed with the kids. Then, our middle son who sleeps in the same room, came out worried. JC had been saying mean things to him and he didn't want to sleep in there anymore with JC. JC of course, denied it and said that we all weren't real. We calmed him down as well as possible, talked to him about his behavior and prayed that they could both get to sleep as soon as possible with no further incidents. So far, so good...

We are looking into possible respite care for JC. We have not been able to find much info. here in our state about it. There doesn't seem to be many people who will do it and its difficult to find out how to go about it. We all need it though, including JC. If you think of us... pray that we would find someone qualified and willing, who would take him occasionally so we could have a break. Thanks...

Well, that's all for tonight. I am tired and have to wake up at around 5, so sleepy time for me.... G'night.