Jeremiah 29:11-12 (New International Version)
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
My Confidence is in the Lord and His plans for me and my family.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Looking to Him to renew my spirit even when things seem dim. He never fails me every time I seek Him.
1 Peter 1:3 (New International Version)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
He is my LIVING Hope, even when things seem dim, He gives me new Life...new reason...
Romans 5:5 (New International Version)
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
He loves me and does not disappoint. He loves my son and has poured out His love into him.
So, yes, the answer is absolutely yes.... In my sadness, fear and weakness in our present situation, I have not just hope, but LIVING HOPE in a God who does not disappoint.
I am trusting in Him because He knows me and has plans for me and my family and those plans are meant to give us a future and a hope. So, I place our future in His hands.
So, tomorrow I leave for California with JC, but I won't be returning back home with him, at least not yet. This is probably the hardest, most heart-wrenching thing I've had to do as a mom. I'm afraid, worried, so sad and yet hopeful at the same time. My husband and I have decided to place JC in a therapeutic residential center to hopefully get him some help and to use the time away from him to strengthen and spend time our other two kids who have gotten used to life with a special needs brother. They are in need of some quality time with us and in order to keep them safe and healthy as well as get help for JC, the decision was made. JC is now in the midst of puberty and hormones are raging and meds just aren't working as well as they used to. He is in need of continuous supervision and care and with the aggression and disrespectfulness turning to physical aggression towards me and the rest of the family and him getting bigger and stronger, we just didn't know what to do. He is really such a good kid with a kind heart and the want to do well, just the inability to follow through with that will. Makes me angry that there is not more information out there about alcohol and pregnancy! But that's a whole different discussion... Our decision has taken 4 months to make. Really it has taken so much longer, but the last four months have been more serious in the deciding factor. Much prayer, tears and indecision during that time along with JC's behavior ranging from good days to really really bad days led us to this present trial.
My "flesh" cries out in anger, hurt, fear and sadness at the loss of my son (even for the 6 months to a year he will be gone) but my spirit is trusting and hoping in my Savior who has brought me to this point in my life. We feel failure because God placed this precious life in our hands to raise, He trusted us to be able to handle and cope with whatever special needs JC brings and now we must relinquish and let go. I don't know how the Lord is going to work in this part of our feelings, but I do know that He sends His comforter and He knew the plans and future of our son and family before it happened. Life in our house will be different and I will be praying that we will not feel guilt at the peace and "normalcy" we will have while JC is in another's care. I know we need this and he needs this and will pray for God's mercy and goodness during this time. Our circumstances may not change and JC may not be "healed" when he gets to return home, but I know that whatever may come, God is in it. He will provide whatever else is needed....
So, as you can see, I needed to make my blog private. I don't wish for my son to read these, nor for my other two children to feel as if they are all on display. But I do want to be used by the Lord for His good purpose and if this helps someone out there, then I want to press on.... I may not be very good with sharing my words and thoughts in person, but I know I have been given a gift to be able to share them in this way and that there is a purpose to it.
