Psalm 27:14 "Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord"
Feels like we are always having to make major decisions when it comes to parenting JC. I couldn't write while he was in the residential facility... I just couldn't. Now, he's been back home for almost 2 months and we are facing an older, more explosive JC. The facility we prayed over kept JC safe (in a sense), but that was about it. Sadly, it was probably worse than we imagined and even sadder, worse than JC talks about. He rarely wants to discuss things that happened there and it makes him mad to even bring it up. Although, pretty much everything we try to talk to him about that is personal, makes him angry. It was a healing time for me and Devon and the other two kids and I know that God used that time to help us and guide us for what was to come.... So... with all this new garbage JC learned at the residential facility as well as him being older and bigger, do we try another "home" or "ranch" or keep on keeping on at home? That is our decision now....
Our new dilemma stems from the increasing independence we have been trying to give him. He is abusing the privelege of being able to go for a walk when he needs some space. He instead just leaves. He doesn't say where he is going and we haven't been able to find him. This last time was yesterday and he was gone for over 2 hours. It was just getting dark when he sauntered home, acting as if nothing just happened. His dad and I plus other family members spending our gas and time worrying and hunting neighborhoods looking for him wasn't "nothing"..... he just thought it was funny and tried to tell us about a gas cap he found and kept sniffing like it was funny to sniff a gas cap?!?!? His use of foul language, flipping us off, calling us all kinds of names and telling us he's going to cut our necks off, kill us, or beat the ***** out of us is getting to be too much to deal with. He has been constantly threatening all of us with those and other phrases as well as hitting things, breaking things and kicking things while occasionally connecting his fists or feet with a family member. There doesn't seem to be much remorse anymore and he rarely complies with even the simplest requests, depending on his mood. He's also been saying he wishes he were dead and that if he has to go to another "home" or "ranch", he's just going to kill himself.
Medications don't seem to help much, if at all... we've also recently been told, "just love him unconditionally" - yes, we do and have..... hello.... any other great pieces of advice you might have for us???? What the heck do you think we've been doing all these years. We tell him how much we love him and he always throws it back into our faces - "no you don't, you hate me!!" When I remind him of the ways we love him and how we love him despite the horrific things he has said and done and/or been through, he just gets mad. He doesn't seem to be able to accept praise, let alone reprimands. JC has a wonderful counselor. She is awesome and calm (ha ha) and seems to just "get" JC. She also knows amazingly tons of info about fetal alcohol exposure and its effects on teenagers! So much repetition and praise for the littlest things!! Wish the PSR would understand as much about repetition... I feel like we are teaching him how to do his job half the time. Repetition... is the key to fetal alcohol exposed kids. There is no connection between cause and effect (consequences) in their brains and so they need an "external brain" (which so far JC has refused to let anyone take that position in his life).
School - teachers are just trying to keep up with what the next day will bring. He does really really well for awhile and then a huge crisis hits and the next thing we know, he's in "in-school suspension" and we have to start at the beginning again. :( They are trying everything they know and then some with JC - I know he's in a great school and the teachers are in continuous contact with me.... they love him and want the best for him too... The good news is that this year is going better than previous years.
Church - our church family has been so supportive from Ca to Tx and back to Id.... praying for JC, letting us know about options in our area, and just generally lifting our family up in prayer again. JC really likes youth group and I am so thankful they are willing to put up with him in there. I know he causes trouble and doesn't really listen, but they let him come anyways... because they love him and us. We are considering asking if any of the young adults, singles or older couples might have an afternoon once a week to take him out for coffee or ice cream for a couple hours, just to give us some peace and to surround JC with other Christians who might be able to reach him. He does fairly well when he gets his way and there's no other kids around, lol... I know, don't we all do well when that happens ;-)
So Lord... we ask... what is next in our journey? Only He knows... still continuously seeking Him in our decisions and right now He seems to be saying, wait. My verse right now is the one I led this post with "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." Ps. 27:14 So, I will be brave in the face of adversity and threats from my own beloved son and courageous in seeking God's will for JC and his immediate future as well as lasting future. Please join me in praying for this almost 16 year old boy as he faces some incredible deficits mentally and emotionally that are causing some major consequences for himself and all those around him. Pray for volunteers to take him occasionally and for JC to allow those around him to be his external brain when it comes to cause and effect. Pray for strength and energy for me and understanding for all of us. Thank you again for letting me "talk things out" on this blog.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
God's strength is made perfect in my weakness....
1 Corinthians 12:9-10
"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I know I just posted yesterday, but had many people asking me different questions, so I thought I'd answer them here today....
First of all, I am going to change the name of this blog to "Fletcher Family Matters"... because family does matter and we talk about the things that matter to our family here.
Also, For those of you asking if my kids can read this blog, the answer is yes. I have not made it a secret nor have I tried to hide it... they all have their own FB accounts and I'm sure if they wanted to, they could read this blog. JC has some learning disabilities and truly hates to read, so I doubt he would even want to read this and my other two.... well, they are old enough to know the truth and we are fairly open with them about these things. I would hope that it would be an encouragement to them as well. I am going to change the name though, because, although this blog does focus on my oldest son and his needs, it really is about our whole family :) So.... when you see the name change, that is why!
Just a side note... I drove "A" to school this morning (she was sick yesterday) for the first time since JC has been gone. Our usual routine was taking A to school, then having 5-10 minutes or so with just JC to chat before dropping him off at school next. It really hit me hard this morning. I really missed that time with him...but was thankful to have my dogs with me on the ride and that it was such a beautiful morning! I think I'll call him today while the rest of the family is at work and school, since he is on his spring break this week... then we can just take a few minutes to talk together with no interruptions (well at least on my side, lol!!!)
Lastly, and probably most importantly.... for those of you stating that I am strong... the verse above is my response to you. I am NOT strong, in fact, I am probably one of the weakest people I know... but I do and will boast in my "infirmities" because it means that His strength is made perfect in my weakness! Wow! So all glory and honor and power and praise belong to Him alone. Please don't take this the wrong way... I know most of you are just being encouraging, but please stop saying I am strong and that you could not do some of the things I have had to do. I could not do some of the things that you have had to do in your life either! That is why God is in control and on the throne. If there's one thing thats happened with this move for JC to go to the therapeutic center, its certainly strengthened my faith and relationship with the Lord. I've always had a close relationship with Jesus and tried to walk in His ways, but in life, we have times when we are up and times when we are down....times when we fail, and times when we succeed... times where we've backslidden and grateful times when He draws us closer to Him. I love that song by Toby Mac where he sings about falling down and losing our way, but we get back up again.... its never too late to GET BACK UP AGAIN :) So.... if you've lost your way or maybe never found your way to Jesus.... it's never too late! Contact me if you want more information!
"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I know I just posted yesterday, but had many people asking me different questions, so I thought I'd answer them here today....
First of all, I am going to change the name of this blog to "Fletcher Family Matters"... because family does matter and we talk about the things that matter to our family here.
Also, For those of you asking if my kids can read this blog, the answer is yes. I have not made it a secret nor have I tried to hide it... they all have their own FB accounts and I'm sure if they wanted to, they could read this blog. JC has some learning disabilities and truly hates to read, so I doubt he would even want to read this and my other two.... well, they are old enough to know the truth and we are fairly open with them about these things. I would hope that it would be an encouragement to them as well. I am going to change the name though, because, although this blog does focus on my oldest son and his needs, it really is about our whole family :) So.... when you see the name change, that is why!
Just a side note... I drove "A" to school this morning (she was sick yesterday) for the first time since JC has been gone. Our usual routine was taking A to school, then having 5-10 minutes or so with just JC to chat before dropping him off at school next. It really hit me hard this morning. I really missed that time with him...but was thankful to have my dogs with me on the ride and that it was such a beautiful morning! I think I'll call him today while the rest of the family is at work and school, since he is on his spring break this week... then we can just take a few minutes to talk together with no interruptions (well at least on my side, lol!!!)
Lastly, and probably most importantly.... for those of you stating that I am strong... the verse above is my response to you. I am NOT strong, in fact, I am probably one of the weakest people I know... but I do and will boast in my "infirmities" because it means that His strength is made perfect in my weakness! Wow! So all glory and honor and power and praise belong to Him alone. Please don't take this the wrong way... I know most of you are just being encouraging, but please stop saying I am strong and that you could not do some of the things I have had to do. I could not do some of the things that you have had to do in your life either! That is why God is in control and on the throne. If there's one thing thats happened with this move for JC to go to the therapeutic center, its certainly strengthened my faith and relationship with the Lord. I've always had a close relationship with Jesus and tried to walk in His ways, but in life, we have times when we are up and times when we are down....times when we fail, and times when we succeed... times where we've backslidden and grateful times when He draws us closer to Him. I love that song by Toby Mac where he sings about falling down and losing our way, but we get back up again.... its never too late to GET BACK UP AGAIN :) So.... if you've lost your way or maybe never found your way to Jesus.... it's never too late! Contact me if you want more information!
Monday, April 1, 2013
How great is the Father's love towards us!
1 John 4:7-16
Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. (NLT)
Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. (NLT)
Missing him.... JC has been living in the residential treatment home for almost 2 weeks now! It's been a little over a week since I've actually seen him and hugged him :( and this is only the beginning.
Going there was JC's very first plane ride, which he absolutely loved and had no hesitation before during or after the flights!! No fear of flying, this kiddo of mine :) In honor of him and his first plane ride, I have posted the few pics below...
Both Devon and I have had confirmation of his placement in some way or another before making the decision, but it was after I arrived back home from So Cal that we realized that the Lord had the same message for both of us while we were apart and that is that He loves JC even more than we do and to trust Him in this. I got these words from the Lord through various friends and family in So Cal while I was there and Devon was telling me this very thing as we were driving back from the airport at 1:30 a.m. that Sunday morning.... I'm so glad God didn't wait to confirm the message that we already knew in our hearts but that was given to us by other people as well.... just to strengthen us and carry us through this trial.
I have been "not all here" at various times throughout the past two weeks, just missing my boy. "A" misses arguing with JC (lol) and "E" misses telling him about his friends, jumping on the trampoline with him and playing video games with him. He even misses some things that he used to complain about on a regular basis with JC!! Poor Buddy and Bella miss JC because he was their fun "human"... He fed them, loved them and let them kiss him all over his face!!! Most of all I think we all miss JC's humor!!! So glad he can call us and we can call him :)
There is so much more I could say, but will save for next time.... In the mean time, please be praying for us!
Some prayer requests for JC (I've been asked by several for this):
-He is experiencing theft of his personal property and having to learn how to safeguard his things. This is a tough lesson for a kid who has been over-protected his whole life!
- For his continued protection, both physically, emotionally and spiritually.
- For him to learn more about himself and the things he will have to manage in himself for the rest of his life.
- That he would be able to get "on level 1" to be able to earn things and outings in the center. This will help him emotionally and physically, I believe.
Some requests for us, his family:
- That we would grow together, have fun together, be at peace and not feel guilty while doing it without our oldest son... while remembering this is part of God's perfect plan.
- That we would be able to put aside some money to be able to go visit him this summer as a family.
- That our other two children and Devon and I too, would be refreshed and restored and learn more about JC's various illnesses, etc so they will be able to get along with JC better when he does come back home.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Can Sadness and Hope exist together?
Jeremiah 29:11-12 (New International Version)
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
My Confidence is in the Lord and His plans for me and my family.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Looking to Him to renew my spirit even when things seem dim. He never fails me every time I seek Him.
1 Peter 1:3 (New International Version)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
He is my LIVING Hope, even when things seem dim, He gives me new Life...new reason...
Romans 5:5 (New International Version)
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
He loves me and does not disappoint. He loves my son and has poured out His love into him.
So, yes, the answer is absolutely yes.... In my sadness, fear and weakness in our present situation, I have not just hope, but LIVING HOPE in a God who does not disappoint.
I am trusting in Him because He knows me and has plans for me and my family and those plans are meant to give us a future and a hope. So, I place our future in His hands.
So, tomorrow I leave for California with JC, but I won't be returning back home with him, at least not yet. This is probably the hardest, most heart-wrenching thing I've had to do as a mom. I'm afraid, worried, so sad and yet hopeful at the same time. My husband and I have decided to place JC in a therapeutic residential center to hopefully get him some help and to use the time away from him to strengthen and spend time our other two kids who have gotten used to life with a special needs brother. They are in need of some quality time with us and in order to keep them safe and healthy as well as get help for JC, the decision was made. JC is now in the midst of puberty and hormones are raging and meds just aren't working as well as they used to. He is in need of continuous supervision and care and with the aggression and disrespectfulness turning to physical aggression towards me and the rest of the family and him getting bigger and stronger, we just didn't know what to do. He is really such a good kid with a kind heart and the want to do well, just the inability to follow through with that will. Makes me angry that there is not more information out there about alcohol and pregnancy! But that's a whole different discussion... Our decision has taken 4 months to make. Really it has taken so much longer, but the last four months have been more serious in the deciding factor. Much prayer, tears and indecision during that time along with JC's behavior ranging from good days to really really bad days led us to this present trial.
My "flesh" cries out in anger, hurt, fear and sadness at the loss of my son (even for the 6 months to a year he will be gone) but my spirit is trusting and hoping in my Savior who has brought me to this point in my life. We feel failure because God placed this precious life in our hands to raise, He trusted us to be able to handle and cope with whatever special needs JC brings and now we must relinquish and let go. I don't know how the Lord is going to work in this part of our feelings, but I do know that He sends His comforter and He knew the plans and future of our son and family before it happened. Life in our house will be different and I will be praying that we will not feel guilt at the peace and "normalcy" we will have while JC is in another's care. I know we need this and he needs this and will pray for God's mercy and goodness during this time. Our circumstances may not change and JC may not be "healed" when he gets to return home, but I know that whatever may come, God is in it. He will provide whatever else is needed....
So, as you can see, I needed to make my blog private. I don't wish for my son to read these, nor for my other two children to feel as if they are all on display. But I do want to be used by the Lord for His good purpose and if this helps someone out there, then I want to press on.... I may not be very good with sharing my words and thoughts in person, but I know I have been given a gift to be able to share them in this way and that there is a purpose to it.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
My Confidence is in the Lord and His plans for me and my family.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Looking to Him to renew my spirit even when things seem dim. He never fails me every time I seek Him.
1 Peter 1:3 (New International Version)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
He is my LIVING Hope, even when things seem dim, He gives me new Life...new reason...
Romans 5:5 (New International Version)
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
He loves me and does not disappoint. He loves my son and has poured out His love into him.
So, yes, the answer is absolutely yes.... In my sadness, fear and weakness in our present situation, I have not just hope, but LIVING HOPE in a God who does not disappoint.
I am trusting in Him because He knows me and has plans for me and my family and those plans are meant to give us a future and a hope. So, I place our future in His hands.
So, tomorrow I leave for California with JC, but I won't be returning back home with him, at least not yet. This is probably the hardest, most heart-wrenching thing I've had to do as a mom. I'm afraid, worried, so sad and yet hopeful at the same time. My husband and I have decided to place JC in a therapeutic residential center to hopefully get him some help and to use the time away from him to strengthen and spend time our other two kids who have gotten used to life with a special needs brother. They are in need of some quality time with us and in order to keep them safe and healthy as well as get help for JC, the decision was made. JC is now in the midst of puberty and hormones are raging and meds just aren't working as well as they used to. He is in need of continuous supervision and care and with the aggression and disrespectfulness turning to physical aggression towards me and the rest of the family and him getting bigger and stronger, we just didn't know what to do. He is really such a good kid with a kind heart and the want to do well, just the inability to follow through with that will. Makes me angry that there is not more information out there about alcohol and pregnancy! But that's a whole different discussion... Our decision has taken 4 months to make. Really it has taken so much longer, but the last four months have been more serious in the deciding factor. Much prayer, tears and indecision during that time along with JC's behavior ranging from good days to really really bad days led us to this present trial.
My "flesh" cries out in anger, hurt, fear and sadness at the loss of my son (even for the 6 months to a year he will be gone) but my spirit is trusting and hoping in my Savior who has brought me to this point in my life. We feel failure because God placed this precious life in our hands to raise, He trusted us to be able to handle and cope with whatever special needs JC brings and now we must relinquish and let go. I don't know how the Lord is going to work in this part of our feelings, but I do know that He sends His comforter and He knew the plans and future of our son and family before it happened. Life in our house will be different and I will be praying that we will not feel guilt at the peace and "normalcy" we will have while JC is in another's care. I know we need this and he needs this and will pray for God's mercy and goodness during this time. Our circumstances may not change and JC may not be "healed" when he gets to return home, but I know that whatever may come, God is in it. He will provide whatever else is needed....
So, as you can see, I needed to make my blog private. I don't wish for my son to read these, nor for my other two children to feel as if they are all on display. But I do want to be used by the Lord for His good purpose and if this helps someone out there, then I want to press on.... I may not be very good with sharing my words and thoughts in person, but I know I have been given a gift to be able to share them in this way and that there is a purpose to it.
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