Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

Psalm 27:14 "Wait patiently for the Lord.
    Be brave and courageous.
    Yes, wait patiently for the Lord"

Feels like we are always having to make major decisions when it comes to parenting JC. I couldn't write while he was in the residential facility... I just couldn't. Now, he's been back home for almost 2 months and we are facing an older, more explosive JC. The facility we prayed over kept JC safe (in a sense), but that was about it. Sadly, it was probably worse than we imagined and even sadder, worse than JC talks about. He rarely wants to discuss things that happened there and it makes him mad to even bring it up. Although, pretty much everything we try to talk to him about that is personal, makes him angry. It was a healing time for me and Devon and the other two kids and I know that God used that time to help us and guide us for what was to come.... So... with all this new garbage JC learned at the residential facility as well as him being older and bigger, do we try another "home" or "ranch" or keep on keeping on at home? That is our decision now....

Our new dilemma stems from the increasing independence we have been trying to give him. He is abusing the privelege of being able to go for a walk when he needs some space. He instead just leaves. He doesn't say where he is going and we haven't been able to find him. This last time was yesterday and he was gone for over 2 hours.  It was just getting dark when he sauntered home, acting as if nothing just happened. His dad and I plus other family members spending our gas and time worrying and hunting neighborhoods looking for him wasn't "nothing"..... he just thought it was funny and tried to tell us about a gas cap he found and kept sniffing like it was funny to sniff a gas cap?!?!? His use of foul language, flipping us off, calling us all kinds of names and telling us he's going to cut our necks off, kill us, or beat the ***** out of us is getting to be too much to deal with. He has been constantly threatening all of us with those and other phrases as well as hitting things, breaking things and kicking things while occasionally connecting his fists or feet with a family member. There doesn't seem to be much remorse anymore and he rarely complies with even the simplest requests, depending on his mood. He's also been saying he wishes he were dead and that if he has to go to another "home" or "ranch", he's just going to kill himself.

Medications don't seem to help much, if at all... we've  also recently been told, "just love him unconditionally" - yes, we do and have..... hello.... any other great pieces of advice you  might have for us???? What the heck do you think we've been doing all these years. We tell him how much we love him and he always throws it back into our faces - "no you don't, you hate me!!" When I remind him of the ways we love him and how we love him despite the horrific things he has said and done and/or been through, he just gets mad. He doesn't seem to be able to accept praise, let alone reprimands. JC has a wonderful counselor. She is awesome and calm (ha ha) and seems to just "get" JC. She also knows amazingly tons of info about fetal alcohol exposure and its effects on teenagers! So much repetition and praise for the littlest things!! Wish the PSR would understand as much about repetition... I feel like we are teaching him how to do his job half the time. Repetition... is the key to fetal alcohol exposed kids. There is no connection between cause and effect (consequences) in their brains and so they need an "external brain" (which so far JC has refused to let anyone take that position in his life).

School - teachers are just trying to keep up with what the next day will bring. He does really really well for awhile and then a huge crisis hits and the next thing we know, he's in "in-school suspension" and we have to start at the beginning again. :( They are trying everything they know and then some with JC - I know he's in a great school and the teachers are in continuous contact with me.... they love him and want the best for him too... The good news is that this year is going better than previous years.

Church - our church family has been so supportive from Ca to Tx and back to Id.... praying for JC, letting us know about options in our area, and just generally lifting our family up in prayer again. JC really likes youth group and I am so thankful they are willing to put up with him in there. I know he causes trouble and doesn't really listen, but they let him come anyways... because they love him and us. We are considering asking if any of the young adults, singles or older couples might have an afternoon once a week to take him out for coffee or ice cream for a couple hours,  just to give us some peace and to surround JC with other Christians who might be able to reach him. He does fairly well when he gets  his way and there's no other kids around, lol... I know, don't we all do well when that happens ;-)

So Lord... we ask... what is next in our journey? Only He knows... still continuously seeking Him in our decisions and right now He seems to be saying, wait. My verse right now is the one I led this post with "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." Ps. 27:14  So, I will be brave in the face of adversity and threats from my own beloved son and courageous in seeking God's will for JC and his immediate future as well as lasting future. Please join me in praying for this almost 16 year old boy as he faces some incredible deficits mentally and emotionally that are causing some major consequences for himself and all those around him. Pray for volunteers to take him occasionally and for JC to allow those around him to be his external brain when it comes to cause and effect. Pray for strength and energy for me and understanding for all of us. Thank you again for letting me "talk things out" on this blog.