Autumn Ramblings....

Autumn 

Well, Fall is definitely here and school's been in for quite some time. We had a two day break a couple weeks ago and went camping. Beautiful weather and everyone had a great time, even JC. Fishing, bike riding, trail hiking and the occasional deer spotting was fantastic, but for JC (and the rest of the boys) it was the big sawed off tree stump filled with random, miscellaneous bullets that held their attention that weekend. 

All day long, at least one of the boys would be swinging the axe trying to dislodge a bullet from the stump. I nick-named our weekend Rel"axe"ing Retreat, ha ha! It was a little annoying, especially to our neighbors around us, but it sure did keep those boys busy. It was a nice break from the last couple months of school. For JC, I wasn't sure how he would handle no routine again... especially since Devon had been working a job at night and couldn't come... and if the first day of packing everything up was to be my only indicator, then we probably would've stayed home - it was that difficult. Think: Temper Tantrum from a kid way taller and stronger than me!  However, God made grandparents strong and steady for a reason... at least I think He made my parents to be like that and our biggest support when it comes to the kids. "Pappie" came over and picked him up and he helped Pappie pack stuff for him and Grammie while the rest of us packed our stuff. It worked... and while the rest of the trip wasn't perfect (when is it, ha ha??) it was fun and oh, so so so much better than staying home. JC even stayed an extra night with Paps and Gram giving me and E and A some much needed respite time. 

So, this fall has brought some other changes too... we decided to start JC in individual counseling. I think it will be a good thing for him and he is old enough now to understand it all. Also, school has become increasingly more difficult for him (IEP meeting AGAIN this week). Its the pressures of trying to fit in, he's found himself a "girlfriend" and its high school - that in and of itself explains some of it. The "girlfriend" aspect has been a hinderance all by itself. JC still has impulsive issues and that didn't just stop because he's older and in high school now. He still bugs and touches the girls and annoys the boys, but he is also becoming more aware of them and their reactions and responses. This is good and bad. We will see what the school says this week... his grades also have gone down recently so we'll be looking into that as well. 

I personally, cannot wait for the time change coming in a week and a half. It is so dark when I take the kids to school in the morning. I know I'll hate it when it ends up being dark by 5:00 but right now, I'm looking forward to the lighter mornings... 

Well... hope the changes of Autumn leave you with warm thoughts! We'll need those warm thoughts here as we go thru the next few cold months... bundle up, grab your hot cider or hot cocoa, sit by the fire and read a new book :) Those are the things that keep me sane ;o) God Bless You and remember if my blog may benefit someone you know, please share it... I was thinking of making it private, but just can't bring myself to do that just yet. I can't help thinking that God has me writing for a reason and it would be missed if my blog were private. So, I will just ask you all to please keep the information as private as you can... Thanks!

Goodbye Summer, Hello HIGH School...

Goodbye Summer, Hello HIGH School...

Well, School has officially started and we will be entering our second week on Tuesday after having Labor Day off. The first part of summer was fantastic and then we got distracted from our goals when we went on vacation to California...but all in all.....a success!

The ending of summer still flew by rather quickly with only one major upset in August. JC was having major anxiety (combined with puberty and hormones - ugh!). We ended up at the hospital who would not take him!!! It's so crazy! We ended up with emergency anti-anxiety meds until we could see his regular psychiatrist who then prescribed buspar. Not so sure it's working even yet... so please be praying for us all. It is so hard to figure out what he is feeling or experiencing or needing since all his emotions come out in almost the same way. When he's happy, he usually takes it too far and gets goofy and impulsive. When he's sad, he is usually down on himself, hitting himself and taking out his sadness by being mean to himself and family. When he's angry, its the scariest.... he has been getting more and more physically aggressive and disrespectful. He is threatening and using his height to push his siblings and parents around. We have to be "on top of it" all the time which being a teenager, he definitely does NOT like! We just didn't know what he needed until we started to realize that school was upon us and then we knew... he was getting anxious for the new school year at a new school with bigger expectations, etc.

Even with all these changes and me wanting to be the mother bear, I have had to loosen up the "momma strings" and let him go more than I normally have. Both times this summer, I let him head off on his own at the water parks (of course he usually finds his way back to us fairly quickly) I have to remember that he is almost 15 and even though he doesn't usually act like a 15 year old, the world is going to treat him that way and I'd better prepare him for it. He started high school with a bang! He is riding his bike to and from school on his own. That is a major milestone for me (he he... not him, he's been ready for this for a long time, it's me!!)  I'm going to have to let him go and make big kid mistakes. I can only prepare him and let him know the consequences for those things so I will know I did my best with him and so he will hopefully be able to make wiser choices. He's got such a big heart and really wants to do good and well most of the time, but as he gets older the mistakes get costlier and not just for mom and dad, but for him.  

There's so many issues JC has to deal with and so as a family, there are so many we have to deal with on a daily basis that its hard to remember the positives sometimes. There are times when we just want to give up, but remember that God called us to a higher purpose.... and He loves us and wants us to succeed in raising JC and our other two kids. 

So, back to school... I can't believe JC's a freshman! I remember my high school years like they were yesterday :) I know, don't we all say that! But I do... and I just so hope for the best for him. It's been a strange "honeymoon period" of the first week of school - we had our meeting with the school at the end of May and were told he was going to be monitored at the high school with someone in every class like he was in middle school, just with different aides, not only one. As of yet, the aides are making themselves un-noticeable or they just aren't there??? I haven't called the school yet, because to be honest, I have been on pins and needles expecting a call from them. It never came last week! He made it through block schedule of high school on his own! What an accomplishment even if it is only for the honeymoon period (oh, you moms of kids like JC understand what I mean with honeymoon period right???) Block schedule still scares me and I wonder who came up with such a ridiculous idea. Most kids cannot fully focus and work for 90 minutes straight - even the so called "normal" kids... Maybe juniors and probably seniors, but really... freshman and sophomores??? Well, I have great hopes for JC's high school years and will be praying for him minute by minute as we go through this school year. I know he'll probably never be a doctor, but I also know he's a fighter and will hopefully want to be on his own enough to work at something hard enough to learn to be who God wants him to be and that is enough for me... my hope is in the Lord, maker of Heaven and earth! 

Jeremiah 29:11 (This is meant for all of God's people, not just the "normals" lol)
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

So, I know this was a little all over the place, but I guess that's just how its got to be :) Have a great school year!!! 

Summer Beginnings...Structure, Schedules and Chores!

Well, where to start???It's always so long before I post again and so much has always happened in between, that its hard to get a post started.... 


Summer always brings about some challenging behavior with JC. Seems like the structured, scheduled school days give him a feeling of stability and he feels safe in those boundaries and when summer days are here, and there's not as much structure (which for the rest of us sounds wonderful!!!) he doesn't know how to act. 


This summer, I met with his psychiatrist right before school let out for summer. She highly recommended that I have a schedule this summer to help us "not step on eggshells" all summer long. Devon and I had been talking for months about getting some kind of chore chart ready for the kids for summer but hadn't gotten around to it  yet. Then, I talked to a friend of mine who is a work at home mom (like me) and she incorporated a schedule into her chore chart. It really got me thinking. I decided to somewhat copy her idea and turn it into our own style. I still haven't gotten around to making the actual board for my idea, but we HAVE started using the scheduled chore chart :) It has made for some happier days - yes, we still have some crazy and outlandish behaviors on some days, but I can tell it definitely has helped, even with the other two's behavior. We also have started trying to incorporate "yes, mam" and "yes, sir" into their daily communication to try and get some respect increased for each other. 


Here's how ours works... I made 2x2 squares with chores on them, including the normal things they would usually do on a daily basis. I also made a schedule for them. For us, it is be ready with teeth and hair brushed and breakfast eaten by 9:30. 9:30-10:15 is clean rooms, make beds and read for at least 1/2 hour. 10:15-11:30 is chore time (they can do something non-electronics related if they finish early), then lunch and free time (no electronics or "games" until after 11:30 is allowed) starts at noon :) They then receive $/day for the chores they do. If they do not finish one or they refuse, they will not get paid for the ones they did do either, so they know they better finish all of them on their chart. Then, I keep a running total of how much money they have earned. I deduct for all of our summer activities, including them paying for my way to do the things they want to do. I am also having them save some for spending money when we take our trip to California in July. Whew, what a nice thing to know that they will be able to spend their own money and know that they themselves hard earned it. This is all posted in our hallway between the kids bedrooms upstairs. They wake up in the morning and head to the schedule to see what chores I've posted for them for that day. I do try to rotate the more difficult, time consuming chores and if they are time consuming, the others may have more chores than the one with the time consuming chores. 


Here are some of our chores (reminder: our kids are 11, 13 and a Bipolar/ADHD/FAE 14 year old):
Do your own laundry including sheets and towels
Water flowers in front and back yards
Vacuum
Wash car
Clean out and vacuum inside of car
Take out trash around house
Wash dishes
Put dishes away
Dog Poo
Cat litter box
Plan and Help make dinner
Clean their bathroom
Mow the lawn and a few others... 


When they are done, right now, they are just crossing it off on the list and then I check to make sure its done to "moms standards". However, when our board is finished, the chores will be hanging under their names under "to do" and they will move them to "done" with they are finished. *Also, weekends are "off" but we still have them do necessary chores when needed which they usually just do now without complaining or anything - YES!!!


Anyways, Just thought some of  you struggling to get through summer might enjoy a different kind of idea that might work with your kiddos. Oh, I forgot... we always choose a couple of FREE ideas of things to do during the week and a Paying for idea so they can use their earnings.... always after 11:30 of course - as much as possible anyways :)

JC's sister "A"s thoughts about life with her brother...

Hi. My name is Angel. I have an older brother who has a lot of issues. Some of the things that really bother me is when he bugs my friends, when he interupts me when I'm playing my games and stuff, when he tries to boss me around and sometimes pushes me. I get mad, but I try to walk away when he does that to me. Sometimes, JC can be very frustrating. Things I like about JC is when he is nice to me, every once in a while. He plays the wii with me sometimes or we play lacrosse or basketball together. I don't like it when my parents give so much attention to JC and I feel left out. Sometimes, I try to get my attention too. Sometimes, I'm just mean because I don't like JC getting all the attention, even though its not a good way to get attention. I understand that he has problems but I  hope someday I'll get a break from him. I hope he gets better someday too I guess. What I want people to know about me and my feelings about JC is how frustrating it is to live with someone like him. I do love my brother and wish he could be normal.

The whys, why nots and so whats!

Look at those CUTE kids! Love them!!

So, we finally after 10 years of multiple doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist and specialists visits have gotten JC tested by a Neuropsychologist! It was never covered under our insurance. Funny thing is, he was the second doctor to spend but 15 minutes with JC in the last 2 months and tell us he has FAE or ARND, just by looking at him and talking to him for 10-15 minutes!!!! WHY we are asking did nobody else ever tell us they thought this about our son?? We have spent so long wondering why none of the diagnosis' that JC's been labeled with don't ever seem to cover his whole self. They don't ever seem to fit him right. It's because once we looked at the "Alcohol related Disorders" ARND, FAE, FAS - it fit! It is frustrating that I, in all my research online and with doctors, failed to ever see this. I mean, we all knew that his biological mom probably drank and used drugs, we've always put that on all the billions of pages of paperwork we've filled out over the years, but still no one ever stated this diagnosis to us???? It is so evident now that JC suffers from most likely bipolar (or some other mental health mood disorder) AND FAE! and of course with that comes the ADHD that we've always dealt with. 


So, why?, this revelation may not change the course of medications or the way other people see him, but for us, as parents.... it is big. It has given us understanding in his abilities and disabilities. It has given us time to prepare for JC possibly never being able to live on his own, at least not without help. It has given us the opportunity to get more services to prepare him for getting a job and life skills he will need. We only have 4 more years to really prepare him for the real world... we want to do it right. We can't wait to put some of these services into place at school and home to see if JC's level of frustration goes down, and with that, maybe we'll get to see the real JC again. He's got such a great sense of humor and really loves animals and I am so hoping and praying that this side of him will show itself more, with less frustration and having more room for it in his daily living. 


Pre-Algebra , so what! My son NEEDS basic math skills repeated over and over again. Why is he in a pre-algebra class you ask? Because the school thinks its better for him BEHAVIORALLY (i.e. easier for them) because the other kids like him are not in this class, they are in the basic math class!!! Oh, and because they think JC is defiant about learning math. Ummm... now we have proof that no, he is not defiant about it, he just CAN'T do it. So, it frustrates him and leaves him with nothing at the end of the day because he's used up everything to try and process what we have all been pushing on him. So, in this way, I'm so glad to have gotten a diagnosis - it may be developmentally disabled, and people might judge him differently along the way... but at least he will get some more help! And us too!! 


Why  not give him what he needs rather than what society and schools and "supposed educators" think he should have so THEY look good. I want my son to have the good! Why not go up against those who think they know so much more about my son.... for this reason, I am thankful that God gave us the opportunity to get him tested again.


Well, sorry for the rant, but I am tired... so tired... of seeing the bad. It's time to start noticing the good!


By the way, here is a little snippet from a mom with a kid with FAE - I FEEL LIKE HER!!! This little part taken from some other interview with her, describes what I feel like a lot of days!!!



"People may not see FASD when they look at my son's face, but I see it. I see it in the way his eyes flash in anger when he is frustrated and I see it in the tears that pour down his face when he is trying so hard to understand his math problems. I see it in his blank stare when he shuts down after working so hard in school all day, a place that has labeled him as lazy and defiant, and I see it in his silly smile when he is being impulsive or inappropriately friendly with strangers.
"FASD is also visible on my face and on the faces of other moms and dads...it is spelled out in worry lines. For some it is in the tears that flow in overwhelming grief. These are the facial features of FASD that do not appear on the FAS diagrams. FASD is often called the invisible disability, but I see it everywhere I look...and it doesn't go away just because I close my eyes."
Kari Fletcher, Adoptive Mom to 2 children with FAS and advocate/trainer at MOFAS, the Minnesota Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndromehttp://www.faslink.org/