Teenage Life

My children are beautiful! I LOVE this picture of them!!

Ok, Now that, that's out of the way.... ha ha :) On to important updates and news. 

Our family life has been impacted since way back before we even started caring for these three beautiful chosen kids. They had biological parents who were selfish and uncaring, yes, I believe they loved them, but self-centered all the same. The boys' birth mom had her own set of issues, special needs, etc and was adopted herself. I am determined to do my best that these kids don't repeat the sins of their parents. I know I cannot make the choices for them, but my husband and I are committed to continue seeing this through until we are with Jesus! All this being said... this has been the most challenging, frustrating, emotionally draining, and yet most amazing past 2 years. I am in awe that the Lord continues to use Devon and I in ministries and with our kids even as we are constantly in the trial. I am reminded of this verse often lately...

Ephesians 6:12 (NKJV)

12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

JC is still in a center (most of the time) that has dealt with him in amazing ways. They are teaching us through example how to deal with him behaviorally and emotionally. We are getting the help we need but my fear is that he doesn't have much more time before he ages out of that center and out of the system in general. He will be 18 in a bit over 9 months. Sadly, his many diagnosis' and patterns of developmental disability needs will most likely not be "bad" enough to qualify him for adult services in the developmental realm. He will still receive the mental health help and may qualify for other things, but he is reluctant and partially unable to plan for the future. He does admit that his adoption has caused quite a bit of the way he is unable to plan for these things and I know much of it is his disabilities as well. He is a challenge, but a joy also! He has the greatest sense of humor and the worst ability to be open with his feelings and thoughts... He is so smart and yet so unmotivated to accomplish school work. He is sweet and polite, but often angry and rude. He is kind and loving, yet often aggressively mean and doesn't want to be touched. He has a childlike faith and love of Jesus, yet can get carried away in worldly thoughts, music and literature... So many contrasting things about this complex teenager of mine. I am praying for his future needs and we are praying as a family what kind of part we will be playing in his adult life. If we (and Childrens Mental Health) see him as a threat to our family due to his aggressive/violent tendencies, then I can't foresee him following the rules as an adult in our home any more than he has as a teenager. I am unsure of whether he will be living with us in 2016 due to his own choices as well as behavior, unfortunately... But God! I know He can do all things and loves JC too, even more than I do!! So, I wait on Him...not only in things JC, but also for my other two... one of which is struggling pretty bad right now and reaping consequences of poor choices, so praying and waiting is a daily/minute by minute deal now.

Jeremy Camp - I wait for the Lord, my soul waits

JC is coming home on a more regular basis now to see what kind of pressures he is able to handle in appropriate ways to be able considering a full time return home. He has done so well recently! His brother and sister are struggling to handle it as they have gotten used to the way it has been, but they also know JC and his needs and wants to be home, so they are learning how to adapt again. I'm sure you've heard the term "helicopter parent"... well, in my case... it is "helicopter child". I simply cannot do anything for over 5 minutes without JC coming to find me, calling for me or basically hovering around me.  This is difficult sometimes because I am the type of person who needs her space, ha ha! And he is a 6'3", size 17 shoe huge beanpole of a teenager!! We are working on finding tools to remind JC of when he's bored, he gets in trouble, so find something else to do to keep you busy. I must give him10 different choices, 100 times a day, of what he can do rather than hover or get bored and angry. Nothing seems to hold his attention longer than 10 minutes. Not even Xbox anymore :( We are hoping to find a job through the developmental services that will be "hopping" but not too challenging to keep him busy but not frustrated. He loves animals so we are looking into volunteer situations first :)

The last few months have been challenging anyways due to three teenagers being in the house! Craziness and Chaos often occurs on a regular basis around here, not to mention the three dogs we have!! We did decide to close our handyman business, which will soon lead to so much less stress for me personally! I can't wait to be free of paperwork and taxes!!

One thing can confidently be said.... Life has certainly never been boring for Dev and I, that's for sure!

ROLLER COASTER RIDE CALLED LIFE

Roller Coaster Ride called Life

John 16:33New Living Translation (NLT)

33 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

I am taking heart!! Thankful that He who is in me has overcome!! PTL... Our life since March of 2013 has been a roller coaster ride. There have been ups and downs and loopty loops....

JC is now in a good place! We are missing him so much but are thankful that God's plan is bigger than ours. I would've never thought that JC wouldn't be at home with us, I just couldn't even imagine it without thoughts of fear and worry. The choice to bring him to California in March 2013 definitely wasn't a "good" one by looking at, but I know for sure that it was in God's plans for all of us. This journey to find clarification on diagnosis for JC's many different presentations has been long (since he was 3) but we are now finally getting the help and services he really needs. His placement at this new facility only 30 minutes from home has been truly a blessing in disguise. Yes, it is really difficult sometimes to drive twice a week and spend hours in a small, hot room playing cards and visiting with my son... but it is oh, so worth it. To see how he is beginning to grow, change and respond is amazing. To spend time with him is heart-breaking and bittersweet.  I am hopeful that he will come home but will not be surprised if he doesn't either. I am open to what the Lord has in store for us as a family and for JC as an almost adult individual. His current "home" is filled with a caring staff and administration who have real relationships with the boys in the facility and a desire to help them. The administrator is actually creating another facility that will help boys just like JC!! If it gets done in time, JC will be transferred there and they love him and want him to be able to go there. It is in the same town, but it will serve boys with BOTH mental health issues AND developmental issues. It will be longer term for most of the boys, but have options to finish programs and/or home visits, etc. They will have goats that they will take care of on the property and land for growing things, etc. It sounds like it will be a great place and it is very very needed in the southern part of our state! 

He now has too many diagnosis' to list all, but most of them are: 

PTSD, Probable Fetal Alcohol Syndrome with Bipolar features,  Bipolar 1 Disorder severe without psychotic features, Expressive Language Disorder, Borderline Intellectual Functioning (functions as a 8-9 year old as of present time), ADHD, Pervasive Development Disorder. The newest thing they are testing him for is Sensory Integration Issues, which I have known he has some for years! What I didn't know is that he could get Occupational Therapy for that??? Crazy how things work and don't work or how some people know some things and other people don't... I hope that I can give good information to other parents/caregivers who are looking for answers now that I have been through so much. 

JC has presented with a mixture of features that have caused doctors, psychologist and psychiatrists alike to be stumped over the years. I think it is because there is such a mixture of things going on that it has been hard to sort it all out. This poor little guy started out with so much against him but God (there it is again... BUT GOD!!!) He has been faithful to carry us through MANY storms and enabled us to find joy in small victories. My big 6'3" and still growing, son is going to be 17 at the end of this year and while there is still much against him... he has so much FOR him. My prayer is that he will see his own worth in Jesus' eyes and know that he is loved not just by his family, but by the Creator Himself. While he might think he has been abandoned many times in his young life, Jesus will NEVER leave him or forsake him. So many verses.... way more than the ones below speak about this!

Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV 

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV 

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Joshua 1:9 ESV

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

1 Peter 5:7 ESV

Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.

Amazing and Awesome how the Lord already knows our human fleshly hearts and spurred the writers from so long ago to include so many comforting, calming and reassuring verses to help us foolish human beings turn to Him in times of trouble and triumph. The Bible is alive and so purposeful and applicable to me!! In the midst of all JC's things, we still have 2 teenagers at home going through typical teenage things themselves... whew... this season of life sure is trying and my knees are going to be knobby <from praying> by the time the last one leaves home.... 

Back to JC... He is funny and giving, friendly and gregarious. He can also be hurtful, spiteful and way hyper to the point of annoying pretty much everyone he is around and not being able to control it past a certain point. We are trying to focus on the positives and teach around the negatives to show him who he can be :) JC is kind and caring to those less than himself... but if he feels threatened in any way by a person, he is quick to react negatively. This is part of what we are working on. This and also to share his feelings and parts of himself he covers up with humor and avoidance. His anxiety runs high if feels like he is being asked to reveal his true self... part of this is the PTSD and results of his awful beginning in this life. He so enjoys when Grammy and Pappy or Aunt and Uncle can come visit and asks about family and pets and friends often... sometimes the stimulation of visitors throws him off and he gets overly hyper and visitors have to leave :( My request is that you would pray for him and management of these hyper feelings resulting from anxiety and the stimulation/excitement of having them there. Please pray for his safety and well-being as well... Thank you supporting family and friends for being here for our family! We appreciate the support you give through prayer, visits to JC, listening, reading and trying to understand the haphazard blog (lol)... 

God Understands...

Sometimes I try to handle this load all by myself and I get weighted down by the trials and hardships that this life brings... The bible says in Psalm 55:22, "Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved." Right now, I am holding close to these promises... This past year has been such a roller coaster of a ride with JC. We've been through many different things with him and are trying to find purpose and understanding in our experiences this year. So many emotions come into play, that I have to just give them over to Jesus and know that they are safe there and that I can leave them there so I can get through the next thing.

I was reminded yesterday that I must always seek Godly wisdom first and discern between that and the world's "wisdom". I often find myself going to google when I experience a new symptom, medication/drug, or behavior that JC exhibits. Not that I don't seek the Lord as well, but us moms... especially with kiddos that have some special needs in one way or another... need to look to God FIRST and foremost! He created us!! Duh.... He has the answers! I'm not saying google and blogs are bad, I have one ;-) for goodness sake. I'm just saying that I needed a reminder that our first step should be to open our bibles and bow our heads before the One who created us and our kid,

loves us so much and knows us intimately.

Worldly "wisdom" often is just knowledge... it usually creates confusion and doesn't really help much. When I look to the bible for answers, it truly is amazing how the Lord can use the scriptures to show me how to deal with whatever situation I may be facing. I still enjoy googling and blogging, because it shows the human side of things. We have to remember not to take all these facts and think of it as wisdom. The facts are just knowledge. Knowledge is the gathering of facts, but wisdom is knowing how and when to use that knowledge. They go hand in hand. I like to hear of others going through a similar situation as me and see if there is anything they've done differently that might have worked or challenged the way they thought about things. I enjoy sharing my story and what our family has been through as far as the trials, challenges and triumphs if I know I can possibly help or encourage someone in their own journey. I believe that the Lord has given me so much and I can't keep that to myself. I have to share what He has done for us and how He has sustained us.

I plan to update on JC in my next post here... just too much to type and would make for an even longer post, so until next time... meditate on these scriptures below and may God bless you!

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." Proverbs 9:10

Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, My thoughts than your thoughts."

James 1:5 says “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

Psalm 27:14 "Wait patiently for the Lord.
    Be brave and courageous.
    Yes, wait patiently for the Lord"

Feels like we are always having to make major decisions when it comes to parenting JC. I couldn't write while he was in the residential facility... I just couldn't. Now, he's been back home for almost 2 months and we are facing an older, more explosive JC. The facility we prayed over kept JC safe (in a sense), but that was about it. Sadly, it was probably worse than we imagined and even sadder, worse than JC talks about. He rarely wants to discuss things that happened there and it makes him mad to even bring it up. Although, pretty much everything we try to talk to him about that is personal, makes him angry. It was a healing time for me and Devon and the other two kids and I know that God used that time to help us and guide us for what was to come.... So... with all this new garbage JC learned at the residential facility as well as him being older and bigger, do we try another "home" or "ranch" or keep on keeping on at home? That is our decision now....

Our new dilemma stems from the increasing independence we have been trying to give him. He is abusing the privelege of being able to go for a walk when he needs some space. He instead just leaves. He doesn't say where he is going and we haven't been able to find him. This last time was yesterday and he was gone for over 2 hours.  It was just getting dark when he sauntered home, acting as if nothing just happened. His dad and I plus other family members spending our gas and time worrying and hunting neighborhoods looking for him wasn't "nothing"..... he just thought it was funny and tried to tell us about a gas cap he found and kept sniffing like it was funny to sniff a gas cap?!?!? His use of foul language, flipping us off, calling us all kinds of names and telling us he's going to cut our necks off, kill us, or beat the ***** out of us is getting to be too much to deal with. He has been constantly threatening all of us with those and other phrases as well as hitting things, breaking things and kicking things while occasionally connecting his fists or feet with a family member. There doesn't seem to be much remorse anymore and he rarely complies with even the simplest requests, depending on his mood. He's also been saying he wishes he were dead and that if he has to go to another "home" or "ranch", he's just going to kill himself.

Medications don't seem to help much, if at all... we've  also recently been told, "just love him unconditionally" - yes, we do and have..... hello.... any other great pieces of advice you  might have for us???? What the heck do you think we've been doing all these years. We tell him how much we love him and he always throws it back into our faces - "no you don't, you hate me!!" When I remind him of the ways we love him and how we love him despite the horrific things he has said and done and/or been through, he just gets mad. He doesn't seem to be able to accept praise, let alone reprimands. JC has a wonderful counselor. She is awesome and calm (ha ha) and seems to just "get" JC. She also knows amazingly tons of info about fetal alcohol exposure and its effects on teenagers! So much repetition and praise for the littlest things!! Wish the PSR would understand as much about repetition... I feel like we are teaching him how to do his job half the time. Repetition... is the key to fetal alcohol exposed kids. There is no connection between cause and effect (consequences) in their brains and so they need an "external brain" (which so far JC has refused to let anyone take that position in his life).

School - teachers are just trying to keep up with what the next day will bring. He does really really well for awhile and then a huge crisis hits and the next thing we know, he's in "in-school suspension" and we have to start at the beginning again. :( They are trying everything they know and then some with JC - I know he's in a great school and the teachers are in continuous contact with me.... they love him and want the best for him too... The good news is that this year is going better than previous years.

Church - our church family has been so supportive from Ca to Tx and back to Id.... praying for JC, letting us know about options in our area, and just generally lifting our family up in prayer again. JC really likes youth group and I am so thankful they are willing to put up with him in there. I know he causes trouble and doesn't really listen, but they let him come anyways... because they love him and us. We are considering asking if any of the young adults, singles or older couples might have an afternoon once a week to take him out for coffee or ice cream for a couple hours,  just to give us some peace and to surround JC with other Christians who might be able to reach him. He does fairly well when he gets  his way and there's no other kids around, lol... I know, don't we all do well when that happens ;-)

So Lord... we ask... what is next in our journey? Only He knows... still continuously seeking Him in our decisions and right now He seems to be saying, wait. My verse right now is the one I led this post with "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." Ps. 27:14  So, I will be brave in the face of adversity and threats from my own beloved son and courageous in seeking God's will for JC and his immediate future as well as lasting future. Please join me in praying for this almost 16 year old boy as he faces some incredible deficits mentally and emotionally that are causing some major consequences for himself and all those around him. Pray for volunteers to take him occasionally and for JC to allow those around him to be his external brain when it comes to cause and effect. Pray for strength and energy for me and understanding for all of us. Thank you again for letting me "talk things out" on this blog. 

God's strength is made perfect in my weakness....

1 Corinthians 12:9-10
 ^"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I know I just posted yesterday, but had many people asking me different questions, so I thought I'd answer them here today....

First of all, I am going to change the name of this blog to "Fletcher Family Matters"... because family does matter and we talk about the things that matter to our family here. 

Also, For those of you asking if my kids can read this blog, the answer is yes. I have not made it a secret nor have I tried to hide it... they all have their own FB accounts and I'm sure if they wanted to, they could read this blog. JC has some learning disabilities and truly hates to read, so I doubt he would even want to read this and my other two.... well, they are old enough to know the truth and we are fairly open with them about these things. I would hope that it would be an encouragement to them as well. I am going to change the name though, because, although this blog does focus on my oldest son and his needs, it really is about our whole family :) So.... when you see the name change, that is why! 

Just a side note... I drove "A" to school this morning (she was sick yesterday) for the first time since JC has been gone. Our usual routine was taking A to school, then having 5-10 minutes or so with just JC to chat before dropping him off at school next. It really hit me hard this morning. I really missed that time with him...but was thankful to have my dogs with me on the ride and that it was such a beautiful morning!  I think I'll call him today while the rest of the family is at work and school, since he is on his spring break this week... then we can just take a few minutes to talk together with no interruptions (well at least on my side, lol!!!) 

Lastly, and probably most importantly.... for those of you stating that I am strong... the verse above is my response to you. I am NOT strong, in fact, I am probably one of the weakest people I know... but I do and will boast in my "infirmities" because it means that His strength is made perfect in my weakness! Wow! So all glory and honor and power and praise belong to Him alone. Please don't take this the wrong way... I know most of you are just being encouraging, but please stop saying I am strong and that  you could not do some of the things I have had to do.  I could not do some of the things that you have had to do in your life either! That is why God is in control and on the throne. If there's one thing thats happened with this move for JC to go to the therapeutic center, its certainly strengthened my faith and relationship with the Lord. I've always had a close relationship with Jesus and tried to walk in His ways, but in life, we have times when we are up and times when we are down....times when we fail, and times when we succeed... times where we've backslidden and  grateful times when He draws us closer to Him.  I love that song by Toby Mac where he sings about falling down and losing our way, but we get back up again.... its never too late to GET BACK UP AGAIN :) So.... if you've lost your way or maybe never found your way to Jesus.... it's never too late! Contact me if you want more information!

How great is the Father's love towards us!

1 John 4:7-16
Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.  God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.  This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.  Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.  No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God.  We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. (NLT)

Missing him.... JC has been living in the residential treatment home for almost 2 weeks now! It's been a little over a week since I've actually seen him and hugged him :( and this is only the beginning. 

Going there was JC's very first plane ride, which he absolutely loved and had no hesitation before during or after the flights!! No fear of flying, this kiddo of mine :) In honor of him and his first plane ride, I have posted the few pics below...

Both Devon and I have had confirmation of his placement in some way or another before making the decision, but it was after I arrived back home from So Cal that we realized that the Lord had the same message for both of us while we were apart and that is that He loves JC even more than we do and to trust Him in this. I got these words from the Lord through various friends and family in So Cal while I was there and Devon was telling me this very thing as we were driving back from the airport at 1:30 a.m. that Sunday morning.... I'm so glad God didn't wait to confirm the message that we already knew in our hearts but that was given to us by other people as well.... just to strengthen us and carry us through this trial. 

I have been "not all here" at various times throughout the past two weeks, just missing my boy. "A" misses arguing with JC (lol) and "E" misses telling him about his friends, jumping on the trampoline with him and playing video games with him. He even misses some things that he used to complain about on a regular basis with JC!! Poor Buddy and Bella miss JC because he was their fun "human"... He fed them, loved them and let them kiss him all over his face!!!  Most of all I think we all miss JC's humor!!! So glad he can call us and we can call him :) 

There is so much more I could say, but will save for next time....  In the mean time, please be praying for us!

Some prayer requests for JC (I've been asked by several for this):

-He is experiencing  theft of his personal property and having to learn how to safeguard his things. This is a tough lesson for  a kid who has been over-protected his whole life!

- For his continued protection, both physically, emotionally and spiritually.

- For him to learn more about himself and the things he will have to manage in himself for the rest of his life. 

- That he would be able to get "on level 1" to be able to earn things and outings in the center. This will help him emotionally and physically, I believe. 


Some requests for us, his family:

- That we would grow together, have fun together, be at peace and not feel guilty while doing it without our oldest son... while remembering this is part of God's perfect plan. 

- That we would be able to put aside some money to be able to go visit him this summer as a family.

- That our other two children and Devon and I too, would be refreshed and restored and learn more about JC's various illnesses, etc so they will be able to get along with JC better when he does come back home.  

Can Sadness and Hope exist together?

Jeremiah 29:11-12 (New International Version) 
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 

My Confidence is in the Lord and His plans for me and my family.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

Looking to Him to renew my spirit even when things seem dim. He never fails me every time I seek Him. 

1 Peter 1:3 (New International Version)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 

He is my LIVING Hope, even when things seem dim, He gives me new Life...new reason...

Romans 5:5 (New International Version)
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 

He loves me and does not disappoint. He loves my son and has poured out His love into him. 

So, yes, the answer is absolutely yes.... In my sadness, fear and weakness in our present situation, I have not just hope, but LIVING HOPE in a God who does not disappoint.

I am trusting in Him because He knows me and has plans for me and my family and those plans are meant to give us a future and a hope. So, I place our future in His hands.

So, tomorrow I leave for California with JC, but I won't be returning back home with him, at least not yet. This is probably the hardest, most heart-wrenching thing I've had to do as a mom.  I'm afraid, worried, so sad and yet hopeful at the same time.  My husband and I have decided to place JC in a therapeutic residential center to hopefully get him some help and to use the time away from him to strengthen and spend time our other two kids who have gotten used to life with a special needs brother. They are in need of some quality time with us and in order to keep them safe and healthy as well as get help for JC, the decision was made.  JC is now in the midst of puberty and hormones are raging and meds just aren't working as well as they used to. He is in need of continuous supervision and care and with the aggression and disrespectfulness turning to physical aggression towards me and the rest of the family and him getting bigger and stronger, we just didn't know what to do. He is really such a good kid with a kind heart and the want to do well, just the inability to follow through with that will. Makes me angry that there is not more information out there about alcohol and pregnancy! But that's a whole different discussion... Our decision has taken 4 months to make. Really it has taken so much longer, but the last four months have been more serious in the deciding factor. Much prayer, tears and indecision during that time along with JC's behavior ranging from good days to really really bad days led us to this present trial. 

My "flesh" cries out in anger, hurt, fear and sadness at the loss of my son (even for the 6 months to a year he will be gone) but my spirit is trusting and hoping in my Savior who has brought me to this point in my life. We feel failure because God placed this precious life in our hands to raise, He trusted us to be able to handle  and cope with whatever special needs JC brings and now we must relinquish and let go. I don't know how the Lord is going to work in this part of our feelings, but I do know that He sends His comforter and He knew the plans and future of our son and family before it happened.  Life in our house will be different and I will be praying that we will not feel guilt at the peace and "normalcy" we will have while JC is in another's care. I know we need this and he needs this and will pray for God's mercy and goodness during this time. Our circumstances may not change and JC may not be "healed" when he gets to return home, but I know that whatever may come, God is in it. He will provide whatever else is needed.... 

So, as you can see, I needed to make my blog private. I don't wish for my son to read these, nor for my other two children to feel as if they are all on display. But I do want to be used by the Lord for His good purpose and if this helps someone out there, then I want to press on.... I may not be very good with sharing my words and thoughts in person, but I know I have been given a gift to be able to share them in this way and that there is a purpose to it. 

Autumn Ramblings....

Autumn 

Well, Fall is definitely here and school's been in for quite some time. We had a two day break a couple weeks ago and went camping. Beautiful weather and everyone had a great time, even JC. Fishing, bike riding, trail hiking and the occasional deer spotting was fantastic, but for JC (and the rest of the boys) it was the big sawed off tree stump filled with random, miscellaneous bullets that held their attention that weekend. 

All day long, at least one of the boys would be swinging the axe trying to dislodge a bullet from the stump. I nick-named our weekend Rel"axe"ing Retreat, ha ha! It was a little annoying, especially to our neighbors around us, but it sure did keep those boys busy. It was a nice break from the last couple months of school. For JC, I wasn't sure how he would handle no routine again... especially since Devon had been working a job at night and couldn't come... and if the first day of packing everything up was to be my only indicator, then we probably would've stayed home - it was that difficult. Think: Temper Tantrum from a kid way taller and stronger than me!  However, God made grandparents strong and steady for a reason... at least I think He made my parents to be like that and our biggest support when it comes to the kids. "Pappie" came over and picked him up and he helped Pappie pack stuff for him and Grammie while the rest of us packed our stuff. It worked... and while the rest of the trip wasn't perfect (when is it, ha ha??) it was fun and oh, so so so much better than staying home. JC even stayed an extra night with Paps and Gram giving me and E and A some much needed respite time. 

So, this fall has brought some other changes too... we decided to start JC in individual counseling. I think it will be a good thing for him and he is old enough now to understand it all. Also, school has become increasingly more difficult for him (IEP meeting AGAIN this week). Its the pressures of trying to fit in, he's found himself a "girlfriend" and its high school - that in and of itself explains some of it. The "girlfriend" aspect has been a hinderance all by itself. JC still has impulsive issues and that didn't just stop because he's older and in high school now. He still bugs and touches the girls and annoys the boys, but he is also becoming more aware of them and their reactions and responses. This is good and bad. We will see what the school says this week... his grades also have gone down recently so we'll be looking into that as well. 

I personally, cannot wait for the time change coming in a week and a half. It is so dark when I take the kids to school in the morning. I know I'll hate it when it ends up being dark by 5:00 but right now, I'm looking forward to the lighter mornings... 

Well... hope the changes of Autumn leave you with warm thoughts! We'll need those warm thoughts here as we go thru the next few cold months... bundle up, grab your hot cider or hot cocoa, sit by the fire and read a new book :) Those are the things that keep me sane ;o) God Bless You and remember if my blog may benefit someone you know, please share it... I was thinking of making it private, but just can't bring myself to do that just yet. I can't help thinking that God has me writing for a reason and it would be missed if my blog were private. So, I will just ask you all to please keep the information as private as you can... Thanks!

Goodbye Summer, Hello HIGH School...

Goodbye Summer, Hello HIGH School...

Well, School has officially started and we will be entering our second week on Tuesday after having Labor Day off. The first part of summer was fantastic and then we got distracted from our goals when we went on vacation to California...but all in all.....a success!

The ending of summer still flew by rather quickly with only one major upset in August. JC was having major anxiety (combined with puberty and hormones - ugh!). We ended up at the hospital who would not take him!!! It's so crazy! We ended up with emergency anti-anxiety meds until we could see his regular psychiatrist who then prescribed buspar. Not so sure it's working even yet... so please be praying for us all. It is so hard to figure out what he is feeling or experiencing or needing since all his emotions come out in almost the same way. When he's happy, he usually takes it too far and gets goofy and impulsive. When he's sad, he is usually down on himself, hitting himself and taking out his sadness by being mean to himself and family. When he's angry, its the scariest.... he has been getting more and more physically aggressive and disrespectful. He is threatening and using his height to push his siblings and parents around. We have to be "on top of it" all the time which being a teenager, he definitely does NOT like! We just didn't know what he needed until we started to realize that school was upon us and then we knew... he was getting anxious for the new school year at a new school with bigger expectations, etc.

Even with all these changes and me wanting to be the mother bear, I have had to loosen up the "momma strings" and let him go more than I normally have. Both times this summer, I let him head off on his own at the water parks (of course he usually finds his way back to us fairly quickly) I have to remember that he is almost 15 and even though he doesn't usually act like a 15 year old, the world is going to treat him that way and I'd better prepare him for it. He started high school with a bang! He is riding his bike to and from school on his own. That is a major milestone for me (he he... not him, he's been ready for this for a long time, it's me!!)  I'm going to have to let him go and make big kid mistakes. I can only prepare him and let him know the consequences for those things so I will know I did my best with him and so he will hopefully be able to make wiser choices. He's got such a big heart and really wants to do good and well most of the time, but as he gets older the mistakes get costlier and not just for mom and dad, but for him.  

There's so many issues JC has to deal with and so as a family, there are so many we have to deal with on a daily basis that its hard to remember the positives sometimes. There are times when we just want to give up, but remember that God called us to a higher purpose.... and He loves us and wants us to succeed in raising JC and our other two kids. 

So, back to school... I can't believe JC's a freshman! I remember my high school years like they were yesterday :) I know, don't we all say that! But I do... and I just so hope for the best for him. It's been a strange "honeymoon period" of the first week of school - we had our meeting with the school at the end of May and were told he was going to be monitored at the high school with someone in every class like he was in middle school, just with different aides, not only one. As of yet, the aides are making themselves un-noticeable or they just aren't there??? I haven't called the school yet, because to be honest, I have been on pins and needles expecting a call from them. It never came last week! He made it through block schedule of high school on his own! What an accomplishment even if it is only for the honeymoon period (oh, you moms of kids like JC understand what I mean with honeymoon period right???) Block schedule still scares me and I wonder who came up with such a ridiculous idea. Most kids cannot fully focus and work for 90 minutes straight - even the so called "normal" kids... Maybe juniors and probably seniors, but really... freshman and sophomores??? Well, I have great hopes for JC's high school years and will be praying for him minute by minute as we go through this school year. I know he'll probably never be a doctor, but I also know he's a fighter and will hopefully want to be on his own enough to work at something hard enough to learn to be who God wants him to be and that is enough for me... my hope is in the Lord, maker of Heaven and earth! 

Jeremiah 29:11 (This is meant for all of God's people, not just the "normals" lol)
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

So, I know this was a little all over the place, but I guess that's just how its got to be :) Have a great school year!!! 

Summer Beginnings...Structure, Schedules and Chores!

Well, where to start???It's always so long before I post again and so much has always happened in between, that its hard to get a post started.... 


Summer always brings about some challenging behavior with JC. Seems like the structured, scheduled school days give him a feeling of stability and he feels safe in those boundaries and when summer days are here, and there's not as much structure (which for the rest of us sounds wonderful!!!) he doesn't know how to act. 


This summer, I met with his psychiatrist right before school let out for summer. She highly recommended that I have a schedule this summer to help us "not step on eggshells" all summer long. Devon and I had been talking for months about getting some kind of chore chart ready for the kids for summer but hadn't gotten around to it  yet. Then, I talked to a friend of mine who is a work at home mom (like me) and she incorporated a schedule into her chore chart. It really got me thinking. I decided to somewhat copy her idea and turn it into our own style. I still haven't gotten around to making the actual board for my idea, but we HAVE started using the scheduled chore chart :) It has made for some happier days - yes, we still have some crazy and outlandish behaviors on some days, but I can tell it definitely has helped, even with the other two's behavior. We also have started trying to incorporate "yes, mam" and "yes, sir" into their daily communication to try and get some respect increased for each other. 


Here's how ours works... I made 2x2 squares with chores on them, including the normal things they would usually do on a daily basis. I also made a schedule for them. For us, it is be ready with teeth and hair brushed and breakfast eaten by 9:30. 9:30-10:15 is clean rooms, make beds and read for at least 1/2 hour. 10:15-11:30 is chore time (they can do something non-electronics related if they finish early), then lunch and free time (no electronics or "games" until after 11:30 is allowed) starts at noon :) They then receive $/day for the chores they do. If they do not finish one or they refuse, they will not get paid for the ones they did do either, so they know they better finish all of them on their chart. Then, I keep a running total of how much money they have earned. I deduct for all of our summer activities, including them paying for my way to do the things they want to do. I am also having them save some for spending money when we take our trip to California in July. Whew, what a nice thing to know that they will be able to spend their own money and know that they themselves hard earned it. This is all posted in our hallway between the kids bedrooms upstairs. They wake up in the morning and head to the schedule to see what chores I've posted for them for that day. I do try to rotate the more difficult, time consuming chores and if they are time consuming, the others may have more chores than the one with the time consuming chores. 


Here are some of our chores (reminder: our kids are 11, 13 and a Bipolar/ADHD/FAE 14 year old):
Do your own laundry including sheets and towels
Water flowers in front and back yards
Vacuum
Wash car
Clean out and vacuum inside of car
Take out trash around house
Wash dishes
Put dishes away
Dog Poo
Cat litter box
Plan and Help make dinner
Clean their bathroom
Mow the lawn and a few others... 


When they are done, right now, they are just crossing it off on the list and then I check to make sure its done to "moms standards". However, when our board is finished, the chores will be hanging under their names under "to do" and they will move them to "done" with they are finished. *Also, weekends are "off" but we still have them do necessary chores when needed which they usually just do now without complaining or anything - YES!!!


Anyways, Just thought some of  you struggling to get through summer might enjoy a different kind of idea that might work with your kiddos. Oh, I forgot... we always choose a couple of FREE ideas of things to do during the week and a Paying for idea so they can use their earnings.... always after 11:30 of course - as much as possible anyways :)

JC's sister "A"s thoughts about life with her brother...

Hi. My name is Angel. I have an older brother who has a lot of issues. Some of the things that really bother me is when he bugs my friends, when he interupts me when I'm playing my games and stuff, when he tries to boss me around and sometimes pushes me. I get mad, but I try to walk away when he does that to me. Sometimes, JC can be very frustrating. Things I like about JC is when he is nice to me, every once in a while. He plays the wii with me sometimes or we play lacrosse or basketball together. I don't like it when my parents give so much attention to JC and I feel left out. Sometimes, I try to get my attention too. Sometimes, I'm just mean because I don't like JC getting all the attention, even though its not a good way to get attention. I understand that he has problems but I  hope someday I'll get a break from him. I hope he gets better someday too I guess. What I want people to know about me and my feelings about JC is how frustrating it is to live with someone like him. I do love my brother and wish he could be normal.

The whys, why nots and so whats!

Look at those CUTE kids! Love them!!

So, we finally after 10 years of multiple doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist and specialists visits have gotten JC tested by a Neuropsychologist! It was never covered under our insurance. Funny thing is, he was the second doctor to spend but 15 minutes with JC in the last 2 months and tell us he has FAE or ARND, just by looking at him and talking to him for 10-15 minutes!!!! WHY we are asking did nobody else ever tell us they thought this about our son?? We have spent so long wondering why none of the diagnosis' that JC's been labeled with don't ever seem to cover his whole self. They don't ever seem to fit him right. It's because once we looked at the "Alcohol related Disorders" ARND, FAE, FAS - it fit! It is frustrating that I, in all my research online and with doctors, failed to ever see this. I mean, we all knew that his biological mom probably drank and used drugs, we've always put that on all the billions of pages of paperwork we've filled out over the years, but still no one ever stated this diagnosis to us???? It is so evident now that JC suffers from most likely bipolar (or some other mental health mood disorder) AND FAE! and of course with that comes the ADHD that we've always dealt with. 


So, why?, this revelation may not change the course of medications or the way other people see him, but for us, as parents.... it is big. It has given us understanding in his abilities and disabilities. It has given us time to prepare for JC possibly never being able to live on his own, at least not without help. It has given us the opportunity to get more services to prepare him for getting a job and life skills he will need. We only have 4 more years to really prepare him for the real world... we want to do it right. We can't wait to put some of these services into place at school and home to see if JC's level of frustration goes down, and with that, maybe we'll get to see the real JC again. He's got such a great sense of humor and really loves animals and I am so hoping and praying that this side of him will show itself more, with less frustration and having more room for it in his daily living. 


Pre-Algebra , so what! My son NEEDS basic math skills repeated over and over again. Why is he in a pre-algebra class you ask? Because the school thinks its better for him BEHAVIORALLY (i.e. easier for them) because the other kids like him are not in this class, they are in the basic math class!!! Oh, and because they think JC is defiant about learning math. Ummm... now we have proof that no, he is not defiant about it, he just CAN'T do it. So, it frustrates him and leaves him with nothing at the end of the day because he's used up everything to try and process what we have all been pushing on him. So, in this way, I'm so glad to have gotten a diagnosis - it may be developmentally disabled, and people might judge him differently along the way... but at least he will get some more help! And us too!! 


Why  not give him what he needs rather than what society and schools and "supposed educators" think he should have so THEY look good. I want my son to have the good! Why not go up against those who think they know so much more about my son.... for this reason, I am thankful that God gave us the opportunity to get him tested again.


Well, sorry for the rant, but I am tired... so tired... of seeing the bad. It's time to start noticing the good!


By the way, here is a little snippet from a mom with a kid with FAE - I FEEL LIKE HER!!! This little part taken from some other interview with her, describes what I feel like a lot of days!!!



"People may not see FASD when they look at my son's face, but I see it. I see it in the way his eyes flash in anger when he is frustrated and I see it in the tears that pour down his face when he is trying so hard to understand his math problems. I see it in his blank stare when he shuts down after working so hard in school all day, a place that has labeled him as lazy and defiant, and I see it in his silly smile when he is being impulsive or inappropriately friendly with strangers.
"FASD is also visible on my face and on the faces of other moms and dads...it is spelled out in worry lines. For some it is in the tears that flow in overwhelming grief. These are the facial features of FASD that do not appear on the FAS diagrams. FASD is often called the invisible disability, but I see it everywhere I look...and it doesn't go away just because I close my eyes."
Kari Fletcher, Adoptive Mom to 2 children with FAS and advocate/trainer at MOFAS, the Minnesota Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndromehttp://www.faslink.org/

Wow... summer has flown by this year!

     It has been a long long long time since I last wrote in this blog! It's always such a bummer when I think about how long its been. I always want to write and keep it up, but my energy level just hasn't been up to writing. I am working part time again this summer and then of course the ups and downs of living with a son with bipolar sometimes just drains me. However, I must say that this summer has been one of the best with JC. He has really been pretty stable. Not fantastic and nothing wrong, but at least we haven't had too many surprises :)
     Now its that time of year again that so many of parents of kids with special needs hate and love all at the same time. We love it, because it means routine, consistency, less sibling fighting, less tantrums, etc all day at home. We hate it because of the uncertainty of teachers, assistants, other kids at school, which class/classes they are going to end up in, how are they going to react to it all, etc. It is so hard for parents of children who do not have special needs to fully grasp and understand the difficulties and amount of strain these kids place on a family, but it also hard for them to get how much more we love these kids.  JC drives me absolutely crazy, bonkers and angry sometimes, but its during the times he does or says something uncharacteristically kind, warm and loving or hilariously funny that makes me realize how much I love this kid. JC does have a heart of gold that just gets so mixed up in the ups and downs of his illness. He takes so much longer to learn and internalize things that "normal (as if!)" people just "get" when they are told.
     Today we had friends come over for a kind of end of summer pool party at our neighborhood clubhouse. I would take a guess that most if not all of the parents who had kids coming today did not worry a single minute about how their kids would react to the pool and the other people there. For me, although I guess I hide it pretty well, I worried and thought and planned with JC a LOT about what to expect today. Not only did we have the pool party planned, but we had to go to 8th grade registration before the pool. Talk about a lot of stimulation being thrown in all in one morning!!! I was so pleased when the pool was pretty much empty or near empty (other than  us) almost the whole time we were there. More kids = more stimulation = more racing thought, racing heart and anxiety for JC. Its hard for him to know how to get the other kids to like him and want to play with him. It makes me sad for him to see how my other two kids easily just PLAY and chat and socialize without much effort and JC makes SO much effort, but just doesn't remember to use the lessons he's been taught to act the "right" way and make a friend. Anyways, I was happy that JC did remarkably well today given all that was going on in his young life for him. A couple minor incidences in the pool with others, but nothing major, no big blow ups and storming off towards home, no foul language... so I considered today quite a success for JC. And... I actually still feel pretty energetic :) Having good days is good for all of us.
     Well, another quick thought... JC wants to and we are allowing him, to play football for middle school this  year. I am a little concerned about the other "guys" and how they will react to him being on the team. He physically just doesn't have it in him to play football, but his desire and enthusiasm are really contagious. I hope they will encourage him so he keeps encouraging them instead of making fun and tearing him down. The coaches are and the others will be made aware of JC's bipolar and are in support of him playing this year as is his very involved principal, Mr. Wilhite. So, I guess I will just ask you to pray. Pray for me to not be anxious in JC's playing football and social graces as well as for JC to be able to get stronger and a little more sure of himself as he plays this year. GO HUSKIES!!!
Well, it's a long one, so I better sign off! Love to you all! Muah!